What's At Risk? 

 One of the most courageous things we do on our life journey is to face our own addictions, wounds and family of origin issues. While I will never forget the physical pain of giving birth and the incredible sense of power getting to the other side of that process, walking daily with a Higher Power and taking responsibility for my life in all areas and in all ways draws even more deeply from my core. 

   In cosex addiction, like not other addiction, it is most challenging to keep the focus on ourselves. Since many women come into cosex addiction through a partner's sex addiction, this is understandable. However, eventually, if we are to truly commit to living an emotionally and spiritually mature life, we must come to seeing ourselves as responsible for where our life is right here and right now. We are not victims to what happens to us in our lives. Yes, we are victimized and trauma, incest, sexual assault, betrayal, abuse we have endured is real. We don't take responsibility for what has happened to us. We do, however, take responsibility for what will happen to us from this day forward. 

   In order to grow ourselves up, own our power, reconnect to our intuitive wisdom and learn the mastery of our own boundaries and voice, we must ask ourselves, "what's at risk for letting go of being a victim in our own lives?" There is a payoff in keeping ourselves small and voiceless once we are aware. When we are able to be honest about this, we begin to access our choices around it. Awareness leads to choice.

   When I asked myself recently "what was at risk for me to do something different in my marriage" I was faced with the part of me that doesn't want to grow up. Although I've done father loss and reprinting work for years, there is still a small, fatherless little girl inside who misses her dad. In fully embracing my voice and power in my marriage, I give up the fantasy, at another level, that my husband is going to fill the daddy void inside. These awarenesses are subtle and in seeing the subtleties, there is great power and choice. 

   In all our addictive behavior and most especially in the dynamic of cosex addiction and sex addiction, answering the "what's at risk?" question honestly gifts us abundantly. We have another opportunity for deeper connection to ourselves and others. We see choices more clearly and experience greater freedom. There is less likelihood that we blame our partners when we are hurt or triggered. We are empowered, adult, strong and intuitive women when we honestly own our payoffs for staying small and victimized. 

   Simple tools like, "what's at risk?" when used with honesty and willingness, intervene on old patterns with force. Addictive patterns are transformed to authentic connections. 

  For more details information on "what's at risk?" follow this link:  http://www.blessingsfrommary.com/files/WorkingTheRisks.pdf

Blessings and love to you on your journey,
Sally

In our dis-ease and dysfunction, we often look to others to fill our emptiness within. "If only he loved me, if only she could see how much I care...."  This, however, is not our teaching, is not our path in 12 step spirituality. We belong to a spiritual lineage now. Our worth comes from within, our primary connection is to self and a Power Greater than ourselves that restores us to our authentic truth, to sanity.

Whenever we find ourselves seeking the approval of an outside source, we can gently remind ourselves that our security, our self connection and worth, come from within and from the relationship we nourish with our Higher Power.

Eight of the 12 steps that are foundational in our cosex addiction recovery, bring us in direct communication and contact with a Spiritual Source. Let us know deep in our cells, minds, spirits that this is the answer to our seeking. From this Divine Source comes the response we want and desire for living emotionally, spiritually and physically intelligent and mature lives. 

As a result of our spiritual lives, our dis-ease is in remission. We live one day at a time with our Higher Power and learn to find our vitality from within.

Blessings,  Sally
www.cosexaddiction.com 
www.blessingsfrommary.com

Sally

     When we define intuition, it is thought to be an immediate knowing, spiritual insight, a gut instinct that comes naturally, organically. Intuition gives us information and a tool for living that guides us on our path and connects us to our inner wisdom. Often as a result of addictive dynamics and behaviors in our lives, we lose the ability to draw upon this innate wisdom. When we have dealt with and begun to recover from our own addictive behaviors: cosex addiction, eating disorders, over-volunteering, excessive co-dependency and other obsessive compulsive disorders, our energy is freed to reconnect and reclaim this deep knowing and wisdom. Our intuition becomes a part of our life again and we refer to it to assist and guide us in living emotionally and spiritual intelligent lives. 
   Here are 4 practices to reestablish our connection to our intuition and strength the vibration of this inner wisdom that we can do on a daily basis: 

1. Daily meditation. Start with 5 minutes a day of sitting quietly, breathing deeply and allowing yourself the experience of silence. Notice the thoughts that come in and release them with love. Pay attention to your physical body and honor its communication to you. Increase the time as you go and be gentle, compassionate and disciplined with your practice. 

2. Notice your thoughts during the day. A reminder that sugar doesn't make your feel good is your intuition guiding you. If someone comes to mind during the day, make a note of it and call or email to make contact. Acknowledging these reminders and thoughts throughout the day and then acting on them will build trust within yourself and  strengthen your skill in honoring your intuition. 

3. Read and study other women's work on intuition. Marion Woodman writes from a deep and profound personal and professional experience as a Jungian analyst and shares years of devotion to the study of intuition. Paula Reeves writes about very practical and mystical benefits to recognizing and honoring intuition. There are courses and many scholarly writings on this topic that will enhance and inspire your deepened understanding and development of it. 

4. Keep your 12 step spiritual program as a foundation in your life. When we are involved in addictive behavior or dynamics in our relationships, there is an addictive cycle in place. As described in "Relationships From Addiction to Authenticity*," once the "hit" from whatever behavior we engage in is experienced, there is temporary relief. The "high" cannot be sustained, however and the tension begins to build, along with the pain, fear, guilt and remorse. We "act out" again to relieve this tension, experience the temporary high, which wears off, begins to build into tension again leading once more to the "addictive acting out or acting in." To truly free our energy and allow a spiritual connection to fill this hole in our soul, we must intervene on this addictive cycle. Once abated, our energy is freed to use as we choose, most especially, to develop our intuition. 

Blessings on your journey, Sally

*www.cosexaddiction.com
www.blessingsfrommary.com

   

One of the things that I didn't understand when I first got into recovery was that my pain would ultimately lead me to more joy. When I authentically embrace my pain and hurts and release them in safe, supportive environments, I create the space to receive more joy, fulfillment and connection. When I avoid or shut down my emotional self to avoid pain I also shut down my emotional self and lose the ability to embrace joy, inspiration and the miracles of being fully present and alive.

In "Relationships From Addiction to Authenticity" many brave women tell their stories of betrayal, shock and addiction and how these experiences were transformed into authentic connection to self, Spirit and others. This transformation comes through our emotional honesty and acknowledgement of our hurt and pain. It is not a journey for the weak of heart but one for the strong of spirit; committed to creating a life full of possibility and dreams fulfilled. Courage is required to bear our souls, open our hearts and allow the vulnerability of our pain to be held in the loving care of others. This is our path to trust as well. We learn to trust ourselves, a Higher Power and we choose trustworthy people. 

In Chapter 5 Trusting and Embracing Feelings in the book,  "Relationships From Addiction to Authenticity", there are stories shared and discussions about how to feel our emotions and stop mood-altering behaviors to avoid feeling.Once we develop this emotional intelligence and make new choices, our senses are opened and our intuition increased. We are able to let our feelings inform us and our intuition guide us but not run us. We have choice and conscious awareness.

Joy is the outcome of honesty, full self-expression and the release of denial. One must experience both pain and joy in order to live a full and deeply rich life. 

Many blessings on your journey, 

Sally

Discernment is a skill and seemingly straightforward. It's easy to "discern" whether something is good for me or not, what I should buy or not buy, or whether I should take some action or trust the internal guidance I think I am receiving. Or is it? 

As defined by the dictionary, discernment means "the ability to judge well." It seems simple enough, but in fact our subjective perceptions are often skewed by personal desires, experiences, egos and self-will. Discernment, in its most mature sense, requires that we open ourselves to certain steps and developmental learning.  It actually requires that we open to the guidance of a Higher Power, seek the perceptions and viewpoints of others and admit to ourselves that our own perceptions and viewpoints may be based solely on personal feelings, tastes and opinions; not actually on what is the most astute action to take. 

Earnestly seeking outside assistance when we want discernment in an area of our lives is not only wise and mature, but necessary.

Twelve step spirituality has inherent within it all that is necessary for sophisticated, objective and mature discernment. There is a spiritual relationship with a Power greater than ourselves weaved within the 12 steps of any recovery program which brings us back again and again to seeking a broader viewpoint in any situation.

We also have directives for seeking the opinions and perspectives of a sponsor and other individuals who are also committed to the values of a spiritual program. This adds an additional safety valve for fully developed discernment.

Last but not least is the instruction and guidance for the individual to reflect upon their "own part" in any given situation. What past experiences do we bring to the situation which affects the perceived outcome? Is there an attachment to a desired outcome that may be influencing our choices? For an individual to be accountable for how they may be impacting a preferred result is the final security gate. When we pass through this concluding test of certainty in the honest exploration of seeking wisdom, we know authentic discernment is nearly assured.

Discernment may not be for those accustomed to instant gratification as these layers of safeguards must be gone through to achieve the full value of it and this takes time. Twelve step spirituality offers us once again the guideposts for discerning the appropriate and wise actions to take as we recovery from cosex addiction, codependency and our own individual addictive dynamics in life. The 12 steps are practices and habits of life. It may take time to develop the skills of discernment, but with these three steps in place, it's possible and probable that honest and authentic guidance will come to us. Then, the choice to follow this discernment or not will be ours. 

Doing the deep feeling work that John Bradshaw refers to below is the foundation for creating a life one dreams about and desires. It is the necessary precursor to a life free of the addictive dynamics and repetitive behaviors born out of trauma and learned defenses in our history. 

In our fast paced, wounded patriarchal system, we want to 'get it done and get it done fast', however, the journey of emotional and spiritual maturation has its own pace. We are on a journey, not driving to a destination, and surrendering to the journey, the flow of Divine guidance in this process is essential to receiving all of the gifts therein. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUVBdfFFe1k

Let's honor ourselves, one another and the process by creating kind circles of support, nourishing spiritual practices that heal and by doing our own deep feeling work as part of our commitment in life. As we heal, learn to fully love and accept ourselves and our histories, we are ready to serve and contribute to others. 

Have you ever found yourself in a situation in which there seems to be only one solution to a problem? Is there a habit that you wish to change, one that you have been attempting to change for years perhaps, that you simply aren't able to alter on your own?

Habits can be hard to break and creating new habits can take time, especially if our old habits are fear or anxiety based. New evidence in Cognitive Behavior Therapy shows that it is possible to create new reactions and behaviors in our relationships with others even when old reactions and behaviors are strongly imbedded in our brain chemistry. 

A tool used to do this is called ERP (exposure and response prevention) and very simply this involves noticing what the old thought or behavior is and ignoring it. By not doing the behavior we begin to develop a new wiring for "not doing the behavior."  When we "ignore" that old wiring by not using it, the wiring begins to "disconnect" from lack of use. A new wiring system  in the brain begins to develop. More options for thinking and behaving are created and new habits developed.

In my cosex addiction, what keeps the addition in place is doing the same things over and over again even when I am looking for new results. In my commitment to create authenticity in my partnership and in all my relationships, including my relationship with myself, I consciously choose to "notice" my thoughts and the "habits" of reacting but also then choose to delay the behavior. Personally, I've learned to breathe into my discomfort and let the old wiring disconnect. In doing so, other authentic ways of being open up to me. I've learned that the "automatic" behaviors are about protection and learned defenses. Risking feeling uncomfortable by doing something different and then consciously choosing a new behavior with my partner always creates surprising and often pleasurable results. 

Follow this link to learn more about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy. 

Blessings on your journey to creating authentic relationships in your life!

Sally
www.cosexaddiction.com
www.blessingsfrommary.com

Relationships transform when we do. Transformation is defined as changing, altering, reworking, renewing, reconstructing, rearranging and retooling. There have been many occasions when I think that my relationship with my husband would be so much better if only he would change or alter his behavior. I've learned over our 10 year marriage, however, that the only effective way to experience our relationship differently is for me to transform my own perspective. It's always amazing to me that when I alter, rework and/or rearrange my own view of what is happening in our connection that I am able to transform the relationship all together. I see things clearly and with less blame, fear and rigidity. I have learned over our time married that when I am deeply agitated, defensive or distressed about our relationship that something has been triggered within myself. A wound has resurfaced, an old belief about my own unworthiness is present or fear of abandonment or loss is underlying my reactions.

Using the tools of my 12 step program will help. Prayer and meditation, calling my sponsor, talking about it at a meeting, looking at my part...are all actions that I can take to transform myself and therefore, transform my relationship. It is a level of responsibility that I sometimes still resist; simply because the old pattern of blaming another or looking outside of myself for a solution is familiar. More and more, however, I see the choices I have available to me. Each day is an opportunity to challenge my own capacity for bliss and joy. The more that I utilize the tools of 12 step recovery and spirituality to transform my own perspective and therefore change my behavior, the greater my experience of joy, inspiration and miracles in my relationship with my husband and in my life. 

How much bliss are you willing to experience in your life?

Blessings on your transformational journey of relationships, recovery and the experience of bliss, 

Sally

How grateful we, who have found the 12 steps, are to those of our ancestors who are our foundation. The 12 steps are tools for living our lives with intention, consciousness and power. The power that we use is that of our Divine Source, Higher Power, the God or Goddess of our understanding.

In step four, we do a "searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves." In doing so, we learn that no matter what another person may or may not be doing, the focus is on ourselves. This focus allows us to effect the change that we have control over, that we can direct and alter if desired. It is only ourselves that we can change, adjust or affect a difference within.

When we keep the focus on ourselves, this does not mean that we tolerate bad behavior. When we keep the focus on ourselves, this means that we focus on what we can change; whether this is removing ourselves from a situation or relationship, or speaking up and standing for ourselves in the relationship.

Doing a "searching and fearless moral inventory" is not just a tool for identifying our overt character defects or survival behaviors. This honest self-exploration offers us the opportunity to see how we continue to "set ourselves up" in familiar situations to be over-responsible or victimized by someone else. Changing these more passive and subtle ways of being alter our relationships with others and our own lives in active and powerful ways.

We never have to do this searching inside alone. Our spiritual journey reminds us again and again that we have support and community both in the physical world and in the spiritual dimensions. When overwhelmed or frightened by the task of self-inventory, we seek spiritual support and the support of others on the recovery journey.

Taking responsibility for our lives is a mature, empowered way to live. Each of the spiritual 12 steps in a tool is support and guide us in this journey.

Blessings,

Sally

Cosex addiction, or any addiction, provides a unique opportunity for spiritual development.

When we are faced with the inability to heal or change on our own, we are often forced to connect at a deeper level with a power greater than ourselves. In doing so, we open our spirits and emotional selves in a more authentic way; a way that surrenders our self-will and is open to the mystery of Divine unknown.

In admitting our need for assistance and our powerlessness over our own or another's addictive behaviors, beliefs and the emotions associated with them, our heart is cracked open. A relationship, based in deep and profound desire for authentic connection is forged. Our Higher Power becomes a personal vibration and entity that we want and need to connect with on a daily basis; not an abstract concept difficult to trust or love.

Pain is our initial motivator. Authentic connection and joy become our reason for continuing to surrender along the genuine path of spiritual and emotional maturity.

Fully embracing our pain and powerlessness over another's behavior or our own dis-eased thinking and acting, opens the possibility to fully surrendering to a Power Greater than ourselves. Our lives are transformed at this moment.

Blessings on your journey through trusting the pain and surrendering to Divine Source,

Sally

There has come a moment in my life where I realize that I may always experience some fear inside; regardless of the personal work I do or how vibrant my prayer and meditation life may be. It is an aspect of being human. It keeps me connected to Divine care and source. I remain humbled by this fear and also inspired by more own courage and commitment to "keep at" this spiritual life.

The lessons and reminders of lessons of old is a constant. My connection to Divine guidance is both vibrant and at times listless and dull. I choose to live within the paradox of constant surrender to whatever is. It is in this present moment where I can welcome Spiritual guidance and direction into all areas of my life. During the day to day consistent practices that deepen trust, intuition and transformation is where I find the courage to embrace my fear, surrender it and take action aligned with my commitments and passions in life. In doing so, I honor my Divine Purpose and make a difference by being of service to all.

It's not about having no fear. It is about embracing my fear, connecting with Divine Source and trusting the guidance that comes in the midst of the fear.

Blessings on your journey of fear, faith and surrender,

Sally

The principles of 12 step spirituality, when applied to living day to day, keep us connected to our own personal power and the unlimited power of the Divine. Once we "make a decision...." to turn any situation over to our Higher Power, we release the outcome, relax into knowing this Power has our best at heart and open to the synchronistic events that continually point us in the direction of Divine guidance and care.

We begin with doing our part, however. Our part is spending time in prayer and meditation daily. Our part is bold self-care behaviors. Our part is putting forth effort in the direction of our dreams and desires. Our part is seeking support and aligning ourselves with like-minded people. Our part is seeing that we are powerless over others.

When we "make a decision to turn our will and lives over the care of God and we understand Her or Him" it is after we have done our part and sought out what we have a choice about and what we must let go of.

We are never alone. The 12 steps give us tools for living a spiritual life. Once our own addictive behaviors and dynamics are addressed and arrested, we become open to the promises of the 12 steps. When we release our own co-dependency and over focus on others, accepting responsibility for ourselves, we open to a relationship with a Higher Power and ourselves. The miracles of living a Divinely guided, purpose and destiny focused life become the norm of our existence.

All my love,

Sally

With cosexaddiction, as with any addiction, there is a desire for control and power. The only way the addictive self thinks control or power is available is through the addictive pattern. Sex addiction, control, codependency, eating disorders, alcohol abuse and all other addictive patterns are simply a form of control or an attempt at control.

Admitting powerlessness is not an admission of no power-it is in fact, a doorway through which power can be sought. This spiritual power includes freedom and choice.

When we are able to admit our powerlessness over another person's choices and behaviors, we gain the freedom and power to choose our own actions.

When we are able to admit our powerlessness over our own addictive thinking and behavior, we gain freedom and power to use our time and energy as we desire.

In the surrender of addictive dynamics in both thought and deed, we embrace the spiritual flow of power and guidance that is available to us. When our attachments to old addictive thoughts and behaviors is present, we block this spiritual energy.

Today we claim the true spiritual power that comes from surrender to old attachments. Daily prayer and meditation will assist us in knowing when to surrender these attachments and with whom. As we surrender and release, our true spiritual power is made manifest. Our energy, our thoughts and our actions belong to us and we are free to use for service and contribution.

In our cosex addiction recovery, we surrender to the discipline taught us in the 12 steps including "praying only for the knowledge of our Higher Power's will for us and the courage to carry that out."

This remains a challenge to my ego still after many years in the program. Often I wonder if my Higher Power really knows what is best for those I love and how could I really let go of my own attempts to control the outcome.

Then there is the concern that I might not get that new home, or my partner, friend or family member may not do what I think they should do in the best interest of my relationship with them.

To really continue the intention and practice of "praying only for the knowledge of my Higher Power's will for me and the courage to carry that out" without using my time and energy for obsessing on what others in my life should do continues to be my stretch behavior. I can begin with where I am at and continually practice focusing only on myself. I can release those I love to this Higher Power and, again, focus on myself. While perfection in this behavior may not be attainable, I know I can make progress over time.

It is a practice that I bring mindfully to my prayer and meditation time daily.

Twelve Step recovery and the discipline of the 12 steps is not an easy spiritual path. It requires determination and continued surrender. Our progress and use of daily program tools offer us the privilege of a daily reprieve from our self-centered attachments.

Today I am able to focus only on my connection to a Higher Power and in my surrender to this intention, I bless those I love and care about as well.

Blessings on your journey,

Sally

I want to know the "right thing" to do in my life. This includes what to say in my relationships with others, what courses to take and trainings to do, what will increase my joy and financial income, should I go to Colorado for vacation or visit family in Michigan?

When we come from a dysfunctional or addictive family system, including the avoidance of dealing directly with trauma, we shut down to survive and in the process lose access to ourselves. When I shut down my fear, I shut down my joy. When I shut down my sensitivity, I lose awareness and creativity as well. I become afraid to live fully.

Embracing all of who we are and the pain that we carry, allows us to embrace deep joy. When we honor our pain and trauma, we open to the possibility of healing and maturing through it all. If we deny ourselves our own history, trauma and pain, we live "tightly." We become afraid to make the wrong decision and focus our energy on how to survive with the least amount of scraps and bruises. We become afraid to fully live and risk "wrong" decisions.

Life, when lived with an open and humble heart, is full of risk, pain, joy and wrong turns. On the road to the many wrong turns we make, we find adventure, beauty and learn new ways to go, new ways to be.

Today I know that I will make "wrong" turns and mistakes along the way. I have the tools of amends, seeing my part, asking for help and learning from these mistakes to enhance the journey. I am grateful for the 12 steps that guide me and my own emotional maturity that teaches me self-forgiveness and the courage to live life fully.

As our recovery progresses, we learn so much about ourselves and how to live more authentically. In our dis-ease, we keep secrets, do our best to survive, work harder and rely upon ourselves. Trusting others does not come easily; at least this has been my own personal experience.

In recovery and in our emotional and spiritual maturity, we learn to reclaim behaviors that nurture us and create a sense of connectedness with our community. We reach out for help when we need it, we allow others to give to us out of their authentic desire to contribute and we begin to rely on a Power greater than ourselves to orchestrate and oversee our journey in life.

Here are some ways to practice new behaviors that nourish us, allow us to receive from others and our Spiritual Source, thus enabling us to be filled from within:

1) Practice a daily prayer and meditation time in which you allow yourself to receive Divine energy and blessing. This may simply be sitting quietly and breathing deeply while imagining the Loving energy of our Higher Power, Spirit Guides and Divine Source surrounding us and bestowing blessings upon us. Even five minutes each day will reap great results.

2) Ask for help. This has been challenging for me and risky for most of us. One of the ways that I learned to get through difficult times was "pull myself up by my bootstraps" and work even harder. Trusting others set me up for disappointment. I was often supportive and available to others but did not reach out on my own behalf when in a challenging situation internally or externally. Today I ask for help and use my support system on a regular basis. Even leaving a message for someone asking for support shifts the energy inside of me. I have a sense of connection with others and with a Higher Power.

3) Receive. I give of myself to others in many different ways. Today, more than any other time in my life, my availability to others is a choice. I give from my own fullness within rather than an automatic behavior that focuses on others or avoids what is going on inside of myself by care-taking. I allow myself to receive with humility and gratitude and find that in doing so, the givers are blessed as well.

Authentic generosity reaps a sense of abundance. Giving from a place of fullness multiplies my energy and creates more space to receive.

Blessings to you as you learn to risk reaching out to others and allow yourself to receive.

Love, Sally

Learning to live authentically, when we have lived out of our old beliefs and fears, takes courage. We must surrender ourselves to a Power greater than ourselves and trust the journey of 12 step recovery and cosex addiction healing. We risk doing things differently than we have done in the past. Living outside of our dysfunction, codependency, learning new behaviors and risking the possibility of living authentically requires delving into the unknown. Here are some tips for transforming cosex addiction and sex addiction into authentic living as we surrender to the unknown:

1) Develop a relationship with a Higher Power. Nurturing this spiritual connection requires daily prayer and meditation. Even five minutes a day will begin to nourish this spiritual practice and provide us with a tool that we can use in our lives on a daily basis.

2) Develop relationships with others in 12 step recovery who choose to address their own cosex addiction and sex addiction. Knowing that we are not alone and there are others who have gone before us to share their wisdom and experience makes all the difference. Feeling connected to a recovery community gives us courage, strength and unlimited resources.

3) Remember that mistakes along the path are part of learning to surrender to the unknown. Continue on the path with these tools: 12 step meetings, working the 12 steps, family of origin work, developing a regular prayer and meditation practice, will insure transformation. When taking these actions, you will have a strong foundation of self-love and forgiveness when you make mistakes. Surrender to progress and not perfection.

Blessings on your journey,

Sally

Have you ever regretted something you did or did not do? How did you move beyond the regret? What did you learn from the experience?

Looking back and feeling regret is a part of life and our 12 step recovery journey will assist us in seeing these regrets and moving beyond them. Sometimes we see our reactivity in our relationships with others and wish we could have behaved differently. In our dis-ease, we see how we focused on energy on other people in an unbalanced way or learned to use substances including food or alcohol to cope and have regrets about this. In our addictive behavior, we also neglect our children, our families, friends, careers and health. Having some regret is part of our healing and empowerment journey. So how can we maximize the experience of regret? Here are some suggested tools turning our regrets into a welcome experience:

1) Embrace and acknowledge the regret. We can not transform anything until we fully acknowledge what is, right here and right now. Our 12 step journey gives us the emotional capacity and honesty to admit the existence of our regrets, grieve and find the gifts and learning from the experience.

2) Take the regret with any shame or grief to our Higher Power or Spiritual Source. In our prayer and meditation practice we can do our part (acknowledge the regret) and symbolically lay it at the feel of our Spiritual Source. We can allow our Higher Power to do for us what we may not be able to do for ourselves; forgive ourselves, heal and move through the regret.

3) Forgive ourselves. Once we are able to honestly acknowledge our regrets and offer ourselves compassion for doing our best at that time, we can begin to forgive. In our self-forgiveness we receive love and understanding from our Higher Power. The more that we embrace love and understanding for ourselves, the more we are able to offer this to others from a place of fullness and authenticity. We have more love, compassion and understanding to give to others.

4) Find the gift in the regret. Perhaps we regret not pursuing our dreams as a young woman because of our addictions or codependency. Once we embrace this regret, we can look at pursuing our dreams today. What is it that we wish to do today? Are there dreams we want to pursue and move toward? If we have behaviors that we regret with people we love, we can make amends and adjust our behavior. This is a gift for them as well.

With our support system in place, we can take actions to follow our passions, make amends for our behavior and use the tools to live more authentically within our own value system. At this stage of our recovery and healing, we have grieved, connected more deeply with our Higher Power, forgiven ourselves and offered this understanding and compassion to others. We transform regrets and integrate what we have learned into our lives today.

Blessings to you,

Sally