What's At Risk? 

 One of the most courageous things we do on our life journey is to face our own addictions, wounds and family of origin issues. While I will never forget the physical pain of giving birth and the incredible sense of power getting to the other side of that process, walking daily with a Higher Power and taking responsibility for my life in all areas and in all ways draws even more deeply from my core. 

   In cosex addiction, like not other addiction, it is most challenging to keep the focus on ourselves. Since many women come into cosex addiction through a partner's sex addiction, this is understandable. However, eventually, if we are to truly commit to living an emotionally and spiritually mature life, we must come to seeing ourselves as responsible for where our life is right here and right now. We are not victims to what happens to us in our lives. Yes, we are victimized and trauma, incest, sexual assault, betrayal, abuse we have endured is real. We don't take responsibility for what has happened to us. We do, however, take responsibility for what will happen to us from this day forward. 

   In order to grow ourselves up, own our power, reconnect to our intuitive wisdom and learn the mastery of our own boundaries and voice, we must ask ourselves, "what's at risk for letting go of being a victim in our own lives?" There is a payoff in keeping ourselves small and voiceless once we are aware. When we are able to be honest about this, we begin to access our choices around it. Awareness leads to choice.

   When I asked myself recently "what was at risk for me to do something different in my marriage" I was faced with the part of me that doesn't want to grow up. Although I've done father loss and reprinting work for years, there is still a small, fatherless little girl inside who misses her dad. In fully embracing my voice and power in my marriage, I give up the fantasy, at another level, that my husband is going to fill the daddy void inside. These awarenesses are subtle and in seeing the subtleties, there is great power and choice. 

   In all our addictive behavior and most especially in the dynamic of cosex addiction and sex addiction, answering the "what's at risk?" question honestly gifts us abundantly. We have another opportunity for deeper connection to ourselves and others. We see choices more clearly and experience greater freedom. There is less likelihood that we blame our partners when we are hurt or triggered. We are empowered, adult, strong and intuitive women when we honestly own our payoffs for staying small and victimized. 

   Simple tools like, "what's at risk?" when used with honesty and willingness, intervene on old patterns with force. Addictive patterns are transformed to authentic connections. 

  For more details information on "what's at risk?" follow this link:  http://www.blessingsfrommary.com/files/WorkingTheRisks.pdf

Blessings and love to you on your journey,
Sally

Shadows reflect our light...

“One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light,” said Carl Jung, “but by making the darkness conscious.” As the originator of the concept of “shadow” Carl Jung first brought into our cultural consciousness the necessity of loving ourselves through bringing to consciousness what is in the unconscious. This applies especially to the most unlovable and dark parts that we have worked diligently to hide, repress and deny. As a certified Shadow Work® facilitator and author of a book on the Sacred Feminine, I work with these energies and create environments that allow individuals to explore their darker side. With Sacred Feminine principles, we surrender to it all and know that the connection between dark and light, pain and joy, sickness and health is symbiotic. We cannot experience one without the other. Stepping into my own darkness, looking at my cosex addiction and other addictive dynamics in my life inform me of my shadows and places for Divine light. Using the 12 steps to assist in looking within allows me to continue my own emotional and spiritual maturity and trust my darkness to the light and to my Higher Power.

In “Blessings From Mary” my most recent book, I explore 9 Sacred Feminine Principles and offer daily meditations that lead one to their Divine Purpose. Here I share some ideas inspired by Carl Jung which encourage us to embrace those “dark” emotions rather than avoid and run from them. In an age and culture that prescribes to a quick fix from discomfort: physical, emotional and spiritual, it’s not always an appealing invitation to explore and embrace our shadows. We think if we are feeling good then we are living well and if we are feeling grieve, despair, fear or shame there must be something wrong.

Using our recovery program to share with our sponsor or someone who understands addiction is a tool for bringing into the light that which shame and fear keep hidden. We grow every time we do a 5th step and share our character defects with someone else.

Sacred Feminine spirituality encourages us to meet all of ourselves with open heart and allow our wounds to inform us of all we have to offer. Our woundedness and shadows teach us about our giftedness. In our full embrace of the hurts, pain, “feel-bad” emotions we carry, we also embrace our compassion, joy and deepest sense of self. In the Sacred Feminine perspective, we hold our darkness with comfort, care and a willingness to surrender. In our darkness, we find brilliance, wisdom and authenticity.

From this fullness, we give to others. Our fully experienced grief, fear and pain open our hearts and bring us the unexpected gifts of gratitude, joy and a deepened capacity to love ourselves and others.