Doing the deep feeling work that John Bradshaw refers to below is the foundation for creating a life one dreams about and desires. It is the necessary precursor to a life free of the addictive dynamics and repetitive behaviors born out of trauma and learned defenses in our history. 

In our fast paced, wounded patriarchal system, we want to 'get it done and get it done fast', however, the journey of emotional and spiritual maturation has its own pace. We are on a journey, not driving to a destination, and surrendering to the journey, the flow of Divine guidance in this process is essential to receiving all of the gifts therein. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUVBdfFFe1k

Let's honor ourselves, one another and the process by creating kind circles of support, nourishing spiritual practices that heal and by doing our own deep feeling work as part of our commitment in life. As we heal, learn to fully love and accept ourselves and our histories, we are ready to serve and contribute to others. 

One of the practices that one who is recovering from trauma learns is necessary in the ongoing healing from the trauma is breaking the silence. Breaking the silence around what has happened to us, where addiction has affected our lives or how we have been abused is one of the first actions to take in continued healing and empowerment.

As cosex addicts, there is a strong identification with being victimized by an acting out partner and being caught off guard by the trauma of betrayal. When we look more honestly at the situation and begin our own recovery work, we see our part more clearly. This does not excuse anyone else's behavior, but it does allow us to accept our part in the denial, our lack of boundaries and over-focus on another individual. We begin to look at the family of origins that we learned our behavior within and see a pattern within ourselves that has kept us locked in shame and fear. Here are some guidelines and practices for breaking the silence and repairing connection:

1) We must ask for help when the trauma and betrayal is revealed. In asking for help, we begin to step outside of our own denial and move into the possibility of seeing with a new set of eyes.

2) We learn the facts about addiction, dysfunction families and start to see of our family of origin set-up for our own lack of boundaries and cosex addiction. Seeing our own medicating of feelings through an eating disorder, alcohol, shopping, over-volunteering, extreme care-taking for our children and family, gossiping and triangulating allows us to uncover our authentic selves. With our honesty and personal power beginning to emerge, we can make new choices.

3) A vibrant and authentic spiritual practice and support circle is an ongoing necessity for repairing connection with ourselves and others. In our spiritual practice we connect honestly with our Higher Power and use the tools of the 12 steps to deal with the challenges that arise in our lives. In a support circle that understands recovery from cosex addiction and empowerment work, we continue to speak our reality which allows us to keep from falling into denial and silence. As we reach out to others, our Higher Power and honor our own reality, we begin to repair connections; first with ourselves and our Higher Power and then with those we choose to be in a relationship with over time.

Honesty, spiritual connection and ongoing support are the paths to Authentic Connection with ourselves and others.

Blessings on your journey,

Sally