Relationships transform when we do. Transformation is defined as changing, altering, reworking, renewing, reconstructing, rearranging and retooling. There have been many occasions when I think that my relationship with my husband would be so much better if only he would change or alter his behavior. I've learned over our 10 year marriage, however, that the only effective way to experience our relationship differently is for me to transform my own perspective. It's always amazing to me that when I alter, rework and/or rearrange my own view of what is happening in our connection that I am able to transform the relationship all together. I see things clearly and with less blame, fear and rigidity. I have learned over our time married that when I am deeply agitated, defensive or distressed about our relationship that something has been triggered within myself. A wound has resurfaced, an old belief about my own unworthiness is present or fear of abandonment or loss is underlying my reactions.

Using the tools of my 12 step program will help. Prayer and meditation, calling my sponsor, talking about it at a meeting, looking at my part...are all actions that I can take to transform myself and therefore, transform my relationship. It is a level of responsibility that I sometimes still resist; simply because the old pattern of blaming another or looking outside of myself for a solution is familiar. More and more, however, I see the choices I have available to me. Each day is an opportunity to challenge my own capacity for bliss and joy. The more that I utilize the tools of 12 step recovery and spirituality to transform my own perspective and therefore change my behavior, the greater my experience of joy, inspiration and miracles in my relationship with my husband and in my life. 

How much bliss are you willing to experience in your life?

Blessings on your transformational journey of relationships, recovery and the experience of bliss, 

Sally