The principles of 12 step spirituality, when applied to living day to day, keep us connected to our own personal power and the unlimited power of the Divine. Once we "make a decision...." to turn any situation over to our Higher Power, we release the outcome, relax into knowing this Power has our best at heart and open to the synchronistic events that continually point us in the direction of Divine guidance and care.

We begin with doing our part, however. Our part is spending time in prayer and meditation daily. Our part is bold self-care behaviors. Our part is putting forth effort in the direction of our dreams and desires. Our part is seeking support and aligning ourselves with like-minded people. Our part is seeing that we are powerless over others.

When we "make a decision to turn our will and lives over the care of God and we understand Her or Him" it is after we have done our part and sought out what we have a choice about and what we must let go of.

We are never alone. The 12 steps give us tools for living a spiritual life. Once our own addictive behaviors and dynamics are addressed and arrested, we become open to the promises of the 12 steps. When we release our own co-dependency and over focus on others, accepting responsibility for ourselves, we open to a relationship with a Higher Power and ourselves. The miracles of living a Divinely guided, purpose and destiny focused life become the norm of our existence.

All my love,

Sally

In our 12 step recovery promises, we are told of many manifestations that will occur in our lives, some of which we can't imagine in the beginning. Over time, as we willingly surrender ourselves to the discipline of the 12 steps, we will experiences miracles and promises manifesting in our lives. There will be transformation. It's a promise.

As I look back over my many years working a recovery program and staying committed to the discipline of the 12 steps, I see clearly how my life has been transformed. I trust myself and others. I trust my Higher Power and know that as I turn things over, all will be well. Financial insecurity is almost completely gone and I live with a sense of prosperity and abundance. Today my pain has become experience, strength and hope to share with others. I am able to celebrate the joys and accomplishments of those closest to me and in my own life.

There is, on occasion, still a feeling of jealousy and envy that comes over me from time to time. We have a promise that states, "jealousy and envy will fade." When I embrace the beautiful communities of women in my life, I find there are moments of envy for what they have created and attracted. I sense my own jealousy and pettiness arise. It is a moment of humility and awareness.

My life is not perfect, nor do I practice the 12 steps and principles perfectly. I do, however, believe that I am on a journey. When I am reminded of the places still to be healed by the promises of the program, I surrender once again and embrace the sense of humility as one on the journey does from time to time. I know there is more work that the Divine has to do within me. Rigorous honest is the opening to this healing and offering to others my own challenges and transformations empowers and inspires.

Blessings on your journey,

Sally

One of the greatest gifts of 12 step recovery is learning to parent our own children and ourselves with new skills. As we develop the emotional capacity to feel and hold our emotions within, we are able then to choose how to respond to any given situation. We are able to have kindness and respect when our children are angry or sad, teaching them to honor these emotions, letting them be informative but not acting them out without purpose or clear intention. In developing emotional intelligence, we create choices for ourselves. We use our energy as power and direct it to accomplish what we desire, honoring our own values along the way.

Re-parenting ourselves comes in recovery as well. We become nurturing, aware, respectful, compassion women and men and we give this attention to ourselves. We learn to set boundaries around our own behavior internally and externally to protect and empower ourselves in relationships with other.

There is grief that often surfaces to be released about the ways in which we did not receive as children what we needed and wanted. While we can consciously let this go, we can consciously choose self-loving behaviors as adults. It's never too late to have a happy childhood.

Blessings,

Sally

As a recovering woman, I have chosen to come face to face with shame. It was initially a very uncomfortable experience. To come face to face with shame, means to embrace it and walk toward it rather than to avoid the experience of it. To do this means that I have chosen to become aware of the messages and feelings of shame. Here are some of what I have learned about my shame:

1) I believe I am a mistake not that I make mistakes.

2) I emotionally beat myself up and have no compassion.

3) I have the sense of being exposed, discovered and completely unworthy.

4) My thoughts begin with words like: I can't, I shouldn't, I'm bad, Who do I think I am, etc.,

5) I sometimes turn red and have a deep desire to hide and isolate.

6) I often hurt myself because I believe that I deserve this. I may overeat, overspend or pick a fight with someone I love.

It's no wonder I avoided coming face to face with shame for so long.

I've learned also about "carried shame." (See Relationships from Addiction to Authenticity for more information.)

Here are some of the gifts when I choose to face my shame:

1) I realize I am just as good as and no better than all other human beings.

2) I experience the gift of humility.

3) I am able to connect more to others and create authentic relationships.

4) I laugh more and worry less about being hyper-vigilant with my behavior.

5) I learn self-love, self-forgiveness and self-compassion on a deep level.

6) I am able to risk sharing my gifts with others.

7) I develop a relationship with a Higher Power that inspires and sustains me.

8) I am able to experience the miracles of my life, especially as I have chosen to embrace my shame.

9) I accept that I am imperfect with shadows and character defects and love it all.

Yours in joy, shame and more joy,

Sally

With cosexaddiction, as with any addiction, there is a desire for control and power. The only way the addictive self thinks control or power is available is through the addictive pattern. Sex addiction, control, codependency, eating disorders, alcohol abuse and all other addictive patterns are simply a form of control or an attempt at control.

Admitting powerlessness is not an admission of no power-it is in fact, a doorway through which power can be sought. This spiritual power includes freedom and choice.

When we are able to admit our powerlessness over another person's choices and behaviors, we gain the freedom and power to choose our own actions.

When we are able to admit our powerlessness over our own addictive thinking and behavior, we gain freedom and power to use our time and energy as we desire.

In the surrender of addictive dynamics in both thought and deed, we embrace the spiritual flow of power and guidance that is available to us. When our attachments to old addictive thoughts and behaviors is present, we block this spiritual energy.

Today we claim the true spiritual power that comes from surrender to old attachments. Daily prayer and meditation will assist us in knowing when to surrender these attachments and with whom. As we surrender and release, our true spiritual power is made manifest. Our energy, our thoughts and our actions belong to us and we are free to use for service and contribution.

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we carried this message to others and practiced this principles in all areas of our lives.....

What a gift our 12 step program offers us. It is a promise that is made and kept when we surrender ourselves to the discipline of the 12 steps. In experiencing a "spiritual awakening" we are able to see a transformation in our own lives and we begin to understand what it means that our pain can make a difference in the lives of others as we share our experience, strength and hope.

Today I know that practicing these principles in all areas of my life means that I can use the steps to deepen my joy and authentic connection with others.

One of the most important principles and steps I use to create authentic intimacy in my life is Making Amends. When I notice that I have hurt someone else or have an upset in my relationships with others, I look inside to see my part. Where have I contradicted my own value system, given unsolicited advice, become attached to an outcome or not been honest and open?

When I am able to "own my part" in any difficulty with another, I am able to experience the freedom that comes from self-responsibility and emotional maturity. Regardless of the other person's ability to be rigorously honest or take responsibility for their part in the relationship, taking responsibility for my part provides joy and freedom for myself.

Blessings on your journey of practicing all these principles in your own life!

Sally

I love those moments when I am without a sense of self. It's not like being unaware or unconscious, but to be so fully in the moment and in my intention of being available for service that I don't wonder about how I am being perceived or if I am liked and approved of. There is such freedom to surrender to the moment without that self-consciousness. I want to do that more and more. Here are some things that I have learned from my own experiences and the generous sharing of others' experience about being fully in the moment:

1) A rich prayer and meditation practice is the most important tool for letting go of self-consciousness. As we deepen our connection with a Divine Source, we are less and less likely to find approval on the outside or through others. We move and breathe and find our purpose from within and in relationship with Spirit.

2) We must share ourselves and take safe risks with mature and available individuals and support groups. In this way, we release more and more of our past hurts and grief, living more fully and authentically in the present moment. Through our vulnerability, we heal and move more into living our Divine Purpose.

3) Choose to let go of the past and embrace a new way of living. Many of us who are recovering from cosex addiction, co-dependency and living for others, must choose if we are willing to let go of those familiar patterns and risk the unknown. Living in the moment, taking safe risks in our lives, and changing dynamics that no longer serve us requires courage and a willingness to step into unknown territory. It is a choice and we must choose consciously.

Blessings on your journey,

Sally