When we define intuition, it is thought to be an immediate knowing, spiritual insight, a gut instinct that comes naturally, organically. Intuition gives us information and a tool for living that guides us on our path and connects us to our inner wisdom. Often as a result of addictive dynamics and behaviors in our lives, we lose the ability to draw upon this innate wisdom. When we have dealt with and begun to recover from our own addictive behaviors: cosex addiction, eating disorders, over-volunteering, excessive co-dependency and other obsessive compulsive disorders, our energy is freed to reconnect and reclaim this deep knowing and wisdom. Our intuition becomes a part of our life again and we refer to it to assist and guide us in living emotionally and spiritual intelligent lives. 
   Here are 4 practices to reestablish our connection to our intuition and strength the vibration of this inner wisdom that we can do on a daily basis: 

1. Daily meditation. Start with 5 minutes a day of sitting quietly, breathing deeply and allowing yourself the experience of silence. Notice the thoughts that come in and release them with love. Pay attention to your physical body and honor its communication to you. Increase the time as you go and be gentle, compassionate and disciplined with your practice. 

2. Notice your thoughts during the day. A reminder that sugar doesn't make your feel good is your intuition guiding you. If someone comes to mind during the day, make a note of it and call or email to make contact. Acknowledging these reminders and thoughts throughout the day and then acting on them will build trust within yourself and  strengthen your skill in honoring your intuition. 

3. Read and study other women's work on intuition. Marion Woodman writes from a deep and profound personal and professional experience as a Jungian analyst and shares years of devotion to the study of intuition. Paula Reeves writes about very practical and mystical benefits to recognizing and honoring intuition. There are courses and many scholarly writings on this topic that will enhance and inspire your deepened understanding and development of it. 

4. Keep your 12 step spiritual program as a foundation in your life. When we are involved in addictive behavior or dynamics in our relationships, there is an addictive cycle in place. As described in "Relationships From Addiction to Authenticity*," once the "hit" from whatever behavior we engage in is experienced, there is temporary relief. The "high" cannot be sustained, however and the tension begins to build, along with the pain, fear, guilt and remorse. We "act out" again to relieve this tension, experience the temporary high, which wears off, begins to build into tension again leading once more to the "addictive acting out or acting in." To truly free our energy and allow a spiritual connection to fill this hole in our soul, we must intervene on this addictive cycle. Once abated, our energy is freed to use as we choose, most especially, to develop our intuition. 

Blessings on your journey, Sally

*www.cosexaddiction.com
www.blessingsfrommary.com

   

Discernment is a skill and seemingly straightforward. It's easy to "discern" whether something is good for me or not, what I should buy or not buy, or whether I should take some action or trust the internal guidance I think I am receiving. Or is it? 

As defined by the dictionary, discernment means "the ability to judge well." It seems simple enough, but in fact our subjective perceptions are often skewed by personal desires, experiences, egos and self-will. Discernment, in its most mature sense, requires that we open ourselves to certain steps and developmental learning.  It actually requires that we open to the guidance of a Higher Power, seek the perceptions and viewpoints of others and admit to ourselves that our own perceptions and viewpoints may be based solely on personal feelings, tastes and opinions; not actually on what is the most astute action to take. 

Earnestly seeking outside assistance when we want discernment in an area of our lives is not only wise and mature, but necessary.

Twelve step spirituality has inherent within it all that is necessary for sophisticated, objective and mature discernment. There is a spiritual relationship with a Power greater than ourselves weaved within the 12 steps of any recovery program which brings us back again and again to seeking a broader viewpoint in any situation.

We also have directives for seeking the opinions and perspectives of a sponsor and other individuals who are also committed to the values of a spiritual program. This adds an additional safety valve for fully developed discernment.

Last but not least is the instruction and guidance for the individual to reflect upon their "own part" in any given situation. What past experiences do we bring to the situation which affects the perceived outcome? Is there an attachment to a desired outcome that may be influencing our choices? For an individual to be accountable for how they may be impacting a preferred result is the final security gate. When we pass through this concluding test of certainty in the honest exploration of seeking wisdom, we know authentic discernment is nearly assured.

Discernment may not be for those accustomed to instant gratification as these layers of safeguards must be gone through to achieve the full value of it and this takes time. Twelve step spirituality offers us once again the guideposts for discerning the appropriate and wise actions to take as we recovery from cosex addiction, codependency and our own individual addictive dynamics in life. The 12 steps are practices and habits of life. It may take time to develop the skills of discernment, but with these three steps in place, it's possible and probable that honest and authentic guidance will come to us. Then, the choice to follow this discernment or not will be ours. 

Have you ever found yourself in a situation in which there seems to be only one solution to a problem? Is there a habit that you wish to change, one that you have been attempting to change for years perhaps, that you simply aren't able to alter on your own?

Habits can be hard to break and creating new habits can take time, especially if our old habits are fear or anxiety based. New evidence in Cognitive Behavior Therapy shows that it is possible to create new reactions and behaviors in our relationships with others even when old reactions and behaviors are strongly imbedded in our brain chemistry. 

A tool used to do this is called ERP (exposure and response prevention) and very simply this involves noticing what the old thought or behavior is and ignoring it. By not doing the behavior we begin to develop a new wiring for "not doing the behavior."  When we "ignore" that old wiring by not using it, the wiring begins to "disconnect" from lack of use. A new wiring system  in the brain begins to develop. More options for thinking and behaving are created and new habits developed.

In my cosex addiction, what keeps the addition in place is doing the same things over and over again even when I am looking for new results. In my commitment to create authenticity in my partnership and in all my relationships, including my relationship with myself, I consciously choose to "notice" my thoughts and the "habits" of reacting but also then choose to delay the behavior. Personally, I've learned to breathe into my discomfort and let the old wiring disconnect. In doing so, other authentic ways of being open up to me. I've learned that the "automatic" behaviors are about protection and learned defenses. Risking feeling uncomfortable by doing something different and then consciously choosing a new behavior with my partner always creates surprising and often pleasurable results. 

Follow this link to learn more about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy. 

Blessings on your journey to creating authentic relationships in your life!

Sally
www.cosexaddiction.com
www.blessingsfrommary.com

In 12 step spirituality, we take note of our character defects. By working with a sponsor and doing step work, we learn "our part" in the conflicts and difficulties with others in our lives. It is powerful and emotionally mature work to do. While we can not control another's behavior, we begin to see our options for our own behavior. We learn new practices to enhance our spiritual connection, communication skills to learn honesty and boundary setting and understand self-care. 


Our "character defects" were ways that we survived dysfunctional systems. In some ways, we should appreciate however we learned to navigate some of the challenges we had growing up. Now, we can see our "character defects" has brilliant ways to survive and look strategically at whether or not they continue to serve us in adult life. 


With gentleness and great compassion, we can honor our own ingenious ways to survive and remind ourselves we have new choices today. Choice that spring from a depth of self-love, self-care and self-forgiveness. From this fullness of Divine connection within ourselves, we make choices that honor our values today. We give to others out of fullness and have an abundance of energy to pursue our life's purpose and dreams. 


Who knew our character defects were really our gifts of survival. Today we can be grateful for all it. 


Blessings on your journey,


Sally