In 12 step spirituality, we take note of our character defects. By working with a sponsor and doing step work, we learn "our part" in the conflicts and difficulties with others in our lives. It is powerful and emotionally mature work to do. While we can not control another's behavior, we begin to see our options for our own behavior. We learn new practices to enhance our spiritual connection, communication skills to learn honesty and boundary setting and understand self-care. 


Our "character defects" were ways that we survived dysfunctional systems. In some ways, we should appreciate however we learned to navigate some of the challenges we had growing up. Now, we can see our "character defects" has brilliant ways to survive and look strategically at whether or not they continue to serve us in adult life. 


With gentleness and great compassion, we can honor our own ingenious ways to survive and remind ourselves we have new choices today. Choice that spring from a depth of self-love, self-care and self-forgiveness. From this fullness of Divine connection within ourselves, we make choices that honor our values today. We give to others out of fullness and have an abundance of energy to pursue our life's purpose and dreams. 


Who knew our character defects were really our gifts of survival. Today we can be grateful for all it. 


Blessings on your journey,


Sally

As a recovering woman, I have chosen to come face to face with shame. It was initially a very uncomfortable experience. To come face to face with shame, means to embrace it and walk toward it rather than to avoid the experience of it. To do this means that I have chosen to become aware of the messages and feelings of shame. Here are some of what I have learned about my shame:

1) I believe I am a mistake not that I make mistakes.

2) I emotionally beat myself up and have no compassion.

3) I have the sense of being exposed, discovered and completely unworthy.

4) My thoughts begin with words like: I can't, I shouldn't, I'm bad, Who do I think I am, etc.,

5) I sometimes turn red and have a deep desire to hide and isolate.

6) I often hurt myself because I believe that I deserve this. I may overeat, overspend or pick a fight with someone I love.

It's no wonder I avoided coming face to face with shame for so long.

I've learned also about "carried shame." (See Relationships from Addiction to Authenticity for more information.)

Here are some of the gifts when I choose to face my shame:

1) I realize I am just as good as and no better than all other human beings.

2) I experience the gift of humility.

3) I am able to connect more to others and create authentic relationships.

4) I laugh more and worry less about being hyper-vigilant with my behavior.

5) I learn self-love, self-forgiveness and self-compassion on a deep level.

6) I am able to risk sharing my gifts with others.

7) I develop a relationship with a Higher Power that inspires and sustains me.

8) I am able to experience the miracles of my life, especially as I have chosen to embrace my shame.

9) I accept that I am imperfect with shadows and character defects and love it all.

Yours in joy, shame and more joy,

Sally