There are moments when I wonder if old resentments, jealousy, fear and blame will always be with me. As I mature in my own spiritual and emotional intelligence, joy and fulfillment are more a part of my thinking, feeling and behaving, yet, there are moments when old resentments and jealousies surface.

On this journey of 12 step spirituality, cosex addiction recovery and living an authentic life, I am reminded that I can not become what I truly desire unless I am willing to honestly embrace my own humanness. I must begin by being with "what is" and especially with "what I resist." Then I embrace my character defects and love myself in this darkness. The old jealousies, resentments and wounded thinking are the places calling forth my deepest self love and mercy as well as my need for Divine intervention.

Here are some tools in embracing our character defects and surrendering to the healing power of our own Higher Power:

1) Awareness-In our awareness, we begin to notice our thoughts and our feelings. We develop consciousness of our petty thinking, old resentments and envy of others. In this awareness, we can choose what to do next.

2) Embrace and Love our Darkness-With awareness, we can choose to embrace and love our humanness and wounded places within. Our jealous and envious thoughts remind us of our need for Divine intervention. We choose to surrender this pain, these old resentments to our Higher Power.

3) Surrender and Share-As we surrender in prayer our own woundedness and character defects, we invite the light into our minds and hearts. As we share with another who understands the journey of recovery, we further break the bonds to our old ways of thinking and past character defects. The shame is exposed and we invite outside love and understanding.

4) Intentions for the Other-A wonderful old cure for resentments from the origins of Alcoholics Anonymous is that we pray for the one we resent. We pray that they have everything in their lives that we want for ourselves. If we are jealous, resentful or recycling past animosities, we can release this energy through prayer and meditation. We pray for them. Our intention for them is that they have their deepest desires fulfilled.

We are on a journey. There are lovely blessings along the path. There are also reminders of our own humanness and need for Divine Intervention with our character defects and shadows becoming more and more apparent. The empowerment comes not in the "absence" of these character defects, but in the brave and honest acknowledgment that they still exist within us. From this place, we surrender and invite Divine healing.

Blessings on your journey,

Sally