Change

Change is not something that comes easily in cosex addiction recovery. We are often carrying ancient patterns of learned behavior from those who have gone before us. It takes time to change these patterns. There are also societal patterns which project messages on to our young people and collective minds which continually put these old beliefs back in the forefront of our minds. With these thoughts, our behaviors remain the same as well, or at least we spring back and forth in doing it the old way, trying the new way, the old way, the new way. It is the way and challenge of change.

Interestingly, the Latin origin of the word change comes from “barter” or to “exchange.” This almost suggests that we cannot change an old behavior if we do not have something to replace or put in its place. This is where the tools of our 12 step program come it.

Support groups including 12 step recovery groups are a necessary exchange for old behaviors that we are ready to let go of. When we begin to see our powerlessness over certain behaviors in ourselves and others, we are able to expand our perspective and find ways to “exchange” these behaviors for new ones. We practice detaching or setting boundaries or focusing on ourselves. Sometimes we replace those old behaviors with pray and meditation, or going to a meeting and seeking support from others in recovery. We may even transfer the focus on ourselves and our own family of origin work which takes the focus off of our partner or children or friend and assists us in seeing our part in the addictive dynamic.

Change takes time but as we replace that old behaviors for new ways of being, we can transform our relationships with our Higher Power, ourselves and others.

Remember, you are not alone.

With love, Sally