Pain is a mature teacher, if we allow it to be. There is some thinking in the new age belief system which suggests that pain is the result of doing something wrong or perhaps not believing in the ease and joy of life. The thinking suggests that if we live the spiritual life, we will be without struggle, difficulty or pain of any kind. This, however, is not the belief of most spiritual teachers. St. John of the Cross describes the Dark Night of the Soul as part of the spiritual journey. Gautama Buddha, the believed founder of Buddhism, taught that pain is a part of all life. There is, I believe, a distinction between the organic pain associated with the rhythms of living and seasons of birth and death and what we create for ourselves as suffering. Spiritual maturity is not the absence of pain but the embracing of it with awareness and faith in it's wisdom.

When we begin 12 step recovery, we look at our own addictive behaviors. These behaviors may be related to the use of substances or our own thinking and acting out in relationships. As we allay these compulsive thoughts and actions, we begin to feel more deeply our fear, anger, shame and sadness. Addictive behavior comes from the inability to be with our own emotional states such that we medicate and mood alter; sometimes out of habit and sometimes simply because we do not know what else to do with the intensity of feelings inside. Learning to hold our emotions, reach out to others and see the wisdom the feelings are offering us is a mature behavior. When we do this, we begin to allow these feelings to move through us and cleanse our body, spirit and mind. Our pain has a gift for us, whether it is in seeing clearly our own actions that hurt those we love including ourselves, or coming to terms with our own histories and the set-up for cosex addiction in our lives.

Feeling our pain, knowing that our grief has purpose and allowing ourselves the gift of emotional support and connection with others, is the foundation of our recovery. As we begin to develop emotional maturity and intelligence by identifying our emotions, understanding their source and choosing to share our insights with supportive and allies on the journey, our spiritual and emotional intelligence will deepen. Our journey has meaning and as we share our experience with others, our pain has purpose as well.

Blessings on our journey,

Sally