One of the most powerful tools of 12 step spirituality and any other emotional and spiritual maturity work is taking our own personal inventory.

Using self-reflection as a means for seeing our part in challenging situations as well as our part in manifesting great occurrences in our lives teaches us responsibility, personal choice and humility. As we reflect on our part in our relationships with others, our successes and challenges in the work environments and in all areas of our lives, we can see with detached perspective. We begin to see the consequences of our choices and how they affect our lives; in ways we desire and in ways we do not. From this place of maturity, we can begin to choose behaviors that have the outcomes we desire and let go of old, automatic reactions that no longer serve us in our lives.

Here are some guidelines for using A Personal Inventory as a way to manifest in our lives all that we desire:

1. Self-reflection requires a spiritual connection and partnership. Often in our cosex addiction and self-abuse, we reflect and hurt ourselves. We see mistakes we may have made and old behaviors that resurfaced and beat ourselves up for being stupid or doing the same thing again and again. It is essential that as we look inside to see our part, we bring a loving Higher Power with us as well as someone in recovery that we trust. We can look with compassion at our part and forgive ourselves for mistakes made while at the same time, asking our Higher Power for assistance in changing old behaviors and doing things differently. Don't go inside to the bad neighborhood of your own thinking alone. Bring loving and forgiving energy with you.

2. A personal inventory often leads to an amend. Remember, once we see our part in any given situation, an amends to someone else or ourselves may be in order. Make the amends promptly but do seek a loving partnership with this. Even though our intention to make things right may be good, it may hurt someone else to bring up the situation OR we may hurt ourselves or expose ourselves to more hurt.

3. Amends is most profound when it occurs in a change of behavior, especially when we make amends to ourselves. Perhaps the amends is attending more support groups, ending an abusive relationship or getting a massage once a week. Self-care and nourishing activities are often a great amends we can make to ourselves in our lives. This act of self-love also creates a sense of fullness that allows us to give to others more lovingly as well.

4. Practice self-forgiveness. One of the most challenging aspects of my own emotional and spiritual maturity is learning self-forgiveness. We will not do recovery or new behaviors in our lives perfectly. We will have slips, amends to make ongoingly and challenges in letting go of old behaviors. Learn to have the same kindness and patience with yourself that you might have for a small child learning to walk. Making mistakes, continuing to stay on the path of taking personal inventories and loving ourselves with all of our warts and character defects are the most challenging and rewarding aspects of our journey. Practice self-forgiveness and love.

Love and blessings on your journey,

Sally