I am always curious about the origin of words. I looked up the word, "defect" and it lead me to the word "fail" which then led me to the word "deceive." When we speak about "character defects" in our 12 step or personal growth work, I can see how a "defect" would be a way to "deceive" either myself or someone else. My character defects are a defense, a way to protect myself and a survival behavior. For me, becoming willing and ready to have my character defects removed can be a momentous and frightening occurrence. My character defects and behaviors are there as a protection, a shield and placed there initially for good reason. Learning to surrender them and welcome another way of being in the world and in relationships with others, is an act of great courage and faith. I want to have compassion for myself during this transition and bring a kind heart and understanding mind.

As I approach an honest awareness of my own character defects, it makes sense that I would need to have a strong and vibrant spiritual connection as well. Letting go of defenses and protective ways of surviving and navigating relationships leaves us open to being hurt, to being vulnerable to the unknowns of human interactions. In order to be willing to release my familiar and comfortable ways of protecting myself, I must be willing to explore unfamiliar and uncomfortable ways being vulnerable to the risk of human connection.

Here are some behaviors and practices for embracing and releasing our character defects:

1. Spend time deepening a spiritual connection with a Higher Power. This relationship will be a great comfort and support as we let go of the familiar ways of being and venture out into the vibrancy of a new way of being. This relationship with a Higher Power will provide the security to risk and do relationships differently.

2. Allow yourself the human experience of making mistakes, of feeling frightened and of moving slowly. Letting go of old behaviors is a courageous act. See it as such. Acknowledge your smallest victories and be forgiving in your set-backs.

3. Share your experiences, your fears, your victories and challenges with others on the journey who are able to meet you with understanding and witness you with great compassion. Trust your intuition around choosing trustworthy people.

4. Trust the process and keep your heart open. Life is full of hurt, especially when we risk new behaviors. Allowing ourselves to step into the unknown and embracing the mystery of life opens to the possibility of miracles and a deeper connection to self and others.

Thank you for your great courage on this journey. Together we can venture into the unknown with great holding and care.

Lovingly, Sally