When one grows up in an addictive and dysfunctional family system, one of the ways we learn to survive is to "shut down" emotionally. We are not able to connect with or verbalize our feelings whether angry, sad, fearful, joyful or shameful. In an addictive and dysfunctional family system, people are getting hurt. Usually the energy in the family revolves around the primary addict or parents and all the other members of the family do what they can to avoid being hurt, sexually abused, verbally or physically attacked or any number of wounded ways the dis-ease affects members of the family. Parents unknowingly and in their own attempt to survive, abuse and use the children in the family to keep their own emotions shut down and feelings stuffed inside. In first entering the world of cosex addiction recovery, we discover our feelings and begin to see how shut down we have been. We use food, shopping, over focusing on our partners, constant striving for perfection, exercise, volunteerism and co-dependent behaviors to stuff our feelings and avoid our own pain.

With recovery and our commitment to emotional and spiritual maturity, we learn about our own feelings and the wisdom they carry. We find others on the journey who understand the language of emotions and we learn how to feel our feelings, rather than stuffing them or acting them out. We find words for expressing our emotions and this teaches us about joy, healing and connection with others.

Our emotions are the keys to our healing; they are our sensors out in the world. Being sensitive to our environment, our internal self and our interactions with others is what allows us mature choices and connections. What we can feel, we can heal.

While stuffing our emotions and shutting down might have been necessary and even wise tools for us to survive the overt and covert dysfunctional dynamics in our families growing up, we know that today we have more choices. We no longer fear our feelings. Our emotions provide us with the connection to our senses and this is a great gift. We learn to be fully expressed, creative and mature woman on the journey together to emotional and spiritual maturity.

Blessings on your journey,

Sally