As a person recovering from addictive behaviors and thinking, I know that my 12 step program is a spiritual discipline. While I recognize that there is a part of me that continually wants to "arrive" somewhere and be done, but I know this is not the nature of spiritual maturity. When I look at this honestly, I realize that this search for the perfect destination and expectation of "getting there" comes from the unsettled emotional and spiritual energies of my growing up years. I was often dodging rage and not knowing when I might be blamed or criticized. Traumas unresolved and the use of alcohol to deal with painful experiences did not teach maturity and we lacked in an healthy emotional environment. My mind became adept at taking me out of fear or shame with a very elaborate fantasy of my life somewhere else. Today, I often find myself still hoping to arrive at this make-believe destination or fantasizing about something outside of my present circumstances.

Truly, I have great respect and appreciation for my heritage and I recognize the unresolved trauma and survival behaviors that I learned there as well. In my honest assessment of both the good and the unhealed within my own family history, I am able to authentically embrace who I am and who I am not. I am able to honestly embrace my own spiritual and emotional journey as just that....a journey, not a destination. I cease to compare myself to others and instead am able to look at my own emotional and spiritual maturity with myself, acknowledging my own progress over the years of my recovery.

I am able to see what I want and leave the rest in the family system. Taking the gifts and values that resonate within me from my family heritage include: generosity, laughter, community, deep spiritual faith and simplicity. The other values that I choose to embrace within my 12 step and other healing and empowerment work include: rigorous honesty, direct communication, self-reflection, compassion and forgiveness.

All of who I am and continue to learn about myself and my ancestry come from the spiritual discipline of my own prayer and meditation practice. My spiritual condition keeps my emotional challenges in perspective of a greater purpose. I remind myself today that this journey is one of a spiritual progress, not perfection and that it is the pilgrimage itself that comforts and blesses my life.

Blessings on your journey,

Sally