Early in my cosex addiction recovery I learned about shame; the feeling of worthlessness and that "something was wrong with me." The good news is that I did learn early on that this feeling and sense of myself was in fact "shame." It had a name and I was not alone in these beliefs about myself. Others who grew up in an alcoholic and dysfunctional family system had a similar inner sense of themselves and in 12 step meetings we began to break the secrecy of the painful beliefs we carried inside. We gave it a name, talked about our feelings, our beliefs about ourselves and began to heal.

Over the years, I learned to do a good deal of "shame reduction work" in which I identified incidents in which I was abused or hurt and had taken on the shame of the offender. I learned to have healthful anger about ways that I was treated and develop internal boundaries in which I could protect myself from mistreatment. I also learned to set boundaries with others and became skilled at choosing kinder and more respectful individuals in which to have relationships.

In the early days making a mistake would trigger all those old feelings and beliefs that something was wrong with me and it would time to restore myself to my right thinking. Today it is rare that I feel shame. When I contradict my own values by hurting myself and someone else, I do feel guilt. This is a good indication for me to reflect on my behavior. When this happens, I take immediate action and make amends. If I am not clear about what to do or if an amend is appropriate, I have a rich and full support network to assist me. I reach out. Sometimes the amends I make are to myself or someone else are in the form of changed behavior.

When and if I feel shame today, I can look within and ask my Higher Power for assistance. When I make a mistake, I have the tools to make amends. I am grateful for the choices given me today as a result of working my 12 step program. My personal and spiritual recovery is a journey, not a destination with the guiding principle of .

Blessings on your journey,

Sally