In our co-dependency and over responsibility for others, we can tend to get distracted from our own commitments and passions. We are in constant pursuit of outside approval. As a learned behavior, we focus too much on others and put their needs and wants ahead of our own. In the family, religious and educational systems around us, this was reinforced as a "giving and caring" way to be so when we attempt to get our own lives back as a priority, there are many messages of guilt and shame that we confront; sometimes outwardly as well as inwardly.

Seeking to live an empowered, spiritual life of self-care and service takes courage. It is not a small thing that we face our own cosex addiction, codependency, addictive behaviors and risk doing it differently, especially when this goes against the messages we took on to survive from long, long ago. To reflect on our histories, be willing to see our families with honesty and reality and confront these addictive dynamics requires the most immense bravery. Breaking the denial that keeps us locked in shame, risking disapproval on the outside to honor our own knowing on the inside and continuing to create this new way of living is a contribution to all.

Here are some simple tools to stay focused on living an empowered, spiritual life:

1) Embrace your support group and the individuals you know who are on a similar journey. Contradicting the old messages inside and dealing with the outside messages that want to keep us locked in old behaviors can be magnetic. We must keep allies close to us so that we can keep on our own path of self-care, transformation and recovery.

2) Develop a prayer and meditation practice. The more we are able to strengthen our spiritual connection, the more we are able to utilize this resource when things get challenging. A regular spiritual practice and daily meditation creates a powerful foundation for living an authentic and empowered life.

3) Forgive yourself when old patterns of behavior emerge. This is inevitable. Sometimes our very survival depended on these old adapted behaviors. While these behaviors no longer work for us, their strength and pull is tremendous. When we slip into these old dysfunctional dynamics, it is good to notice, forgive and be gentle with ourselves as well as to readjust our focus and behavior. This is part of the journey.

Blessings on your journey,

Sally