"Pletcher and Bartolameolli are undisputed experts on the subject of co-sex addiction.  They know more about it than anyone I know and have presented  an expose that with great clarity supersedes anything I have read before."

– John Bradshaw

Tuesday, January 31, 2012


As a recovering woman, I have chosen to come face to face with shame. It was initially a very uncomfortable experience. To come face to face with shame, means to embrace it and walk toward it rather than to avoid the experience of it. To do this means that I have chosen to become aware of the messages and feelings of shame. Here are some of what I have learned about my shame:

1) I believe I am a mistake not that I make mistakes.
2) I emotionally beat myself up and have no compassion.
3) I have the sense of being exposed, discovered and completely unworthy.
4) My thoughts begin with words like: I can't, I shouldn't, I'm bad, Who do I think I am, etc.,
5) I sometimes turn red and have a deep desire to hide and isolate.
6) I often hurt myself because I believe that I deserve this. I may overeat, overspend or pick a fight with someone I love.

It's no wonder I avoided coming face to face with shame for so long.

I've learned also about "carried shame." (See Relationships from Addiction to Authenticity for more information.)

Here are some of the gifts when I choose to face my shame:

1) I realize I am just as good as and no better than all other human beings.
2) I experience the gift of humility.
3) I am able to connect more to others and create authentic relationships.
4) I laugh more and worry less about being hyper-vigilant with my behavior.
5) I learn self-love, self-forgiveness and self-compassion on a deep level.
6) I am able to risk sharing my gifts with others.
7) I develop a relationship with a Higher Power that inspires and sustains me.
8) I am able to experience the miracles of my life, especially as I have chosen to embrace my shame.
9) I accept that I am imperfect with shadows and character defects and love it all.

Yours in joy, shame and more joy,


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Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Surrender and Power

With cosexaddiction, as with any addiction, there is a desire for control and power. The only way the addictive self thinks control or power is available is through the addictive pattern. Sex addiction, control, codependency, eating disorders, alcohol abuse and all other addictive patterns are simply a form of control or an attempt at control.

Admitting powerlessness is not an admission of no power-it is in fact, a doorway through which power can be sought. This spiritual power includes freedom and choice.

When we are able to admit our powerlessness over another person's choices and behaviors, we gain the freedom and power to choose our own actions.

When we are able to admit our powerlessness over our own addictive thinking and behavior, we gain freedom and power to use our time and energy as we desire.

In the surrender of addictive dynamics in both thought and deed, we embrace the spiritual flow of power and guidance that is available to us. When our attachments to old addictive thoughts and behaviors is present, we block this spiritual energy.

Today we claim the true spiritual power that comes from surrender to old attachments. Daily prayer and meditation will assist us in knowing when to surrender these attachments and with whom. As we surrender and release, our true spiritual power is made manifest. Our energy, our thoughts and our actions belong to us and we are free to use for service and contribution.

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