"Pletcher and Bartolameolli are undisputed experts on the subject of co-sex addiction.  They know more about it than anyone I know and have presented  an expose that with great clarity supersedes anything I have read before."

– John Bradshaw

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Conscious Transitions

My daughter has headed off to college. We drove across country together and now I am with her during her orientation. I am so privileged to share this time with her and enjoy this mother/daughter time together. There is joy, fear, excitement and grief. It's a natural transition in life; to let our children go and support a new level of independence and exploration into the wide, wide world.

I wonder if I have given her enough guidance, taught her enough life skills for day to day functioning and how I will ever survive my aching heart with her across the country and so far away.

My mother and I did not speak about my going off to college. Instead, I noticed she got physically ill the last few months of my senior year in high school and over the summer before my first college semester. It was a momentous event but there was no conscious transitioning or anticipatory communications of what was to come. Personally, I wasn't feeling much as I had already learned to shut down emotionally and survive through focusing on others and pushing through what needed to be done.

Twelve step recovery, family of origin work and personal growth healing allows us all to "do things differently" and for this I am deeply and profoundly grateful. My daughter and I speak about our fears as well as our joys and the exciting possibilities that await her. We've had some upsets that we've talked through and realized are really about my fear of letting her go. I can feel and talk about this all honestly with her. While we both consciously witness this transition, she is given permission to transition in life consciously. Recovery gives us our senses which allow us to be fully present to all that we are experiencing. We have choices, support groups to share with, self-awareness to guide us and a spiritual connection to comfort us.

What an immense gift I am able to give myself and my daughter as I allow myself the authentic experience of this profound transition. We can navigate it emotionally together and find our way with our full self expression and learn to "do it differently" and embrace the experience fully.

With deepest appreciation,


Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Living Fully

I want to know the "right thing" to do in my life. This includes what to say in my relationships with others, what courses to take and trainings to do, what will increase my joy and financial income, should I go to Colorado for vacation or visit family in Michigan?

When we come from a dysfunctional or addictive family system, including the avoidance of dealing directly with trauma, we shut down to survive and in the process lose access to ourselves. When I shut down my fear, I shut down my joy. When I shut down my sensitivity, I lose awareness and creativity as well. I become afraid to live fully.

Embracing all of who we are and the pain that we carry, allows us to embrace deep joy. When we honor our pain and trauma, we open to the possibility of healing and maturing through it all. If we deny ourselves our own history, trauma and pain, we live "tightly." We become afraid to make the wrong decision and focus our energy on how to survive with the least amount of scraps and bruises. We become afraid to fully live and risk "wrong" decisions.

Life, when lived with an open and humble heart, is full of risk, pain, joy and wrong turns. On the road to the many wrong turns we make, we find adventure, beauty and learn new ways to go, new ways to be.

Today I know that I will make "wrong" turns and mistakes along the way. I have the tools of amends, seeing my part, asking for help and learning from these mistakes to enhance the journey. I am grateful for the 12 steps that guide me and my own emotional maturity that teaches me self-forgiveness and the courage to live life fully.

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