It's difficulty to know when to let go and when to confront an issue in our relationships with others. Our dog will hold tightly to a bone and is ready for attack with certain dogs. But he also has an instinct to submit and lower himself to the ground, showing his surrender when another dog approaches. I am not sure what his internal mechanisms for deciding when to confront or submit actually are. From the outside, there is really no logic as he will lower himself for a small dog and go into attack mode with a dog twice his size. I wonder if this is simply instinct or if it is ruled by his mood. (Do dogs have moods?)

Personally, when I am considering confronting an issue in any personal or professional relationship that I have, it takes me some time to go within and utilize my own internal resources and instincts. Will the confrontation further the relationship or is it likely to bring harm? How important and intimate a relationship is it? Have I attempted to confront the issue previously without satisfying results? Is acceptance the next step for me to take or is the issue dramatically affecting the health of the relationship? Perhaps letting the relationship go is my next step to take?

The first thing that I know to do when I don't know what to do is to pray. My prayer and meditation practice is a five day a week discipline and when discernment is called for, prayer is the action.

The second thing I consider is the significance of the relationship in my life. The closer the connection, the more important it is to keep communication open and honest. It's a risk to do this, of course, because not every one has the capacity for closeness or is willing to be responsible for their part in relationships. We must learn to deepen our capacity for authentic relationships and then deepen our capacity for discernment in honoring our relationships.

Many of us have hurts and defensives that protects us and so open and direct communication can be threatening. But this, too, is good information. We learn who we can count on for honesty and who we can not. We learn to trust our own instincts around when to confront and when to submit and surrender in detachment. We learn who has the capacity and desire for an authentic relationship and is willing to be responsible for their part in our connections and who can only blame, defend and criticize.

Lastly, trust is necessary. I've learned that I must trust a Power Greater than myself when it comes to my relationships with others. I must learn to trust myself and embrace my own instincts and intuition as important guidance. I must also trust that when I choose to accept the limitations of myself or another in our relationship there will be peace for me. My deep desire for connection, authentic communication and emotional maturity will be met, perhaps in other ways and with other individuals. The universe is one of abundance, not lack.

Blessings,

Sally