I had a dream this week in which I was at my mother's home and there was a lioness trying to get in the kitchen through the screen door. I knew I had to stop her and keep her out of the house. I was successful in pushing her snout out and was able to close and lock the screen door twice. The third time, however, I realized that I could not continue with this and eventually she would win. I let the lioness in through the screen door and decided to try and befriend her. It seemed my only option and worth the risk.

I released the door, let her in and laid on the floor letting her smell me. We were soon nose to nose and I was massaging her jowls. We were admiring each other with great affection. In my dream, I felt relief and knew that she was going to be a strong ally and friend to me.

As I was telling this dream to my husband, I teared up realizing the symbolism of a lioness and of me befriending her. It was really about me befriending my own power and beauty and not resisting these parts of myself. Sometimes we are as afraid of what is grand and magnificent about us as that over which we feel shame and guilt. The lion and lioness are also symbols of aggression, power, protectiveness and domination. I know that, as a woman, I am often hyper-vigilant about offending people or appearing "too" aggressive. I know women who are strong, outspoken and in their own power are not often welcomed in our culture. The dream was a reminder to welcome all these parts of myself. It was a reminder to stay awake and aware of the ways in which I attempt to keep myself hidden and small.

So, what might this have to do with Cosex Addiction? I think any addiction that we have is an attempt for us to avoid being with ourselves in one way or another. In my young adult years, I used food and bulimia as a way to avoid feeling the deep and profound grief and emptiness I felt inside. In my twenties, I used my cosex addiction as a way to avoid feeling my own loneliness and shame. In over focusing on our relationships, thinking they will fulfill us, we avoid being with ourselves, our pain and even our giftedness. In the last several years, I have noticed my tendency to use mood altering substances and behaviors when things are going really well in my life. I've shared this with my husband several times. It is as though I have difficulty being with my own successes, manifested dreams, joy and peacefulness. Whenever we deny who we are in our own glory or in our own ugliness we set ourselves up for addictive behaviors and acting out in our dis-ease.

Welcoming all of who we are is the key to living authentically and addiction free. It is the beginning of living our passion, purpose and being of service in the world. This all begins with loving and embracing ourselves fully. The depth with which we are able to authentically love another person is the extent to which we have learned to embrace and deeply love all of who we are. Embracing our shadows and character defects~both in their beauty and in their ugliness~means the fullest expression of who we are and who we are not. It allows for us to offer the same acceptance and compassion to others, inviting them out of their own hiding. We offer courage to them as they risk showing themselves, all of themselves, to us. We can offer this to them, however, only to the extent that we have risked exposure ourselves.

Jung suggested that within our shadows, those hidden and repressed parts of ourselves, lie our creativity. Creativity means to bring something into being, into expression and existence. In order to do this with our full self expression and in our own unique way means that we must risk exposing our shadows and those parts of us we keep hidden. It seems a risk worth taking, like befriending the Lioness who becomes our great ally, protecter and one of exceptional beauty.

In exposing our shadows, both dark and bright, we learn to live authentically. We learn to give to others from a place of fullness and deep compassion because we have learned to give to ourselves in these ways.

With love,

Sally