In my prayer and meditation practice over the last three years, there is a consistent theme that comes to me again and again. It is to...

 Follow the energy that blesses and honors.

This has been challenging for me at times, since I did not always know what it meant to "be blessed" nor did I know what it meant to "honor." These things I have had to learn for myself in recovery from my own dysfunction and dis-ease. 

First I learned how to bless and honor myself. What do I really want? How do I take care of my physical body, my emotional self and my spirituality? I learned boundaries; when to say "yes" and when to say "no." Eventually, I began to be able to discern energy that honors and blesses in my relationships with other people. Here are some of the questions that I asked in my relationships with others that allow me to discern whether it is a connection that honors and blesses.

1. Am I receiving as much from this relationship as I am giving? I find that I will develop resentments when I am giving out of a desire to manipulate or control another person or a situation or if I am giving more than I am receiving. I have also found myself involved in relationships with others in which I am giving of my time and energy with little given back from the other. This was a core behavior in my co-sex addiction. I thought giving and caring for others meant they would love me. Often, there is even a sense of entitlement from the other person that it is my "responsibility" to give to them. This is not an energy that blesses and honors all involved. An authentic connection with another is characterized by mutual support and appreciation.This, of course, has some consideration when we are parenting, volunteering in service or care-giving in some way for someone who is dependent upon us as in a sick person, elderly parent, etc. But even here we must be clear about our intention and our choice in giving of ourselves. Learning to receive is a large part of my recovery from co-sex addiction as is learning to give from fullness within.

2. Is there appreciation, trust and respect in our interactions with one another?  Are both persons in the relationship keeping their word? Can I count on the other person to do what they say they are going to do and to be available when I reach out? Is there shared appreciation for each others' contributions or am I giving consistently without receiving from the other person? One sided relationships are not empowered relationships and in my opinion, this is not energy that honors and blesses all involved.

3. Is the relationship and the interactions in the relationship primarily joyful and kind or is there an underlying drama and difficulty that permeates the relationship?  Dysfunctional and immature relationships are often characterized by gossip, drama, lots of emotionality and conflicts arising frequently. Women who are in competition with one another will often display these behaviors and not know how to be authentically intimate with each other. There is conflict and disagreement that occurs in any relationship, but if this is the overall energy of the relationship, then I choose to honestly question whether it is a relationship that honors and blesses and take action accordingly.

4. Lastly, it is my opinion that a relationship that honors and blesses has a primary focus on supporting one another in pursuing their visions and dreams for their life. Does the relationship support the manifestation of divine purpose of the individuals involved?  Again, there are always situations that are difficult and challenges that occur within any relationship, but the question remains pertinent to the overall functioning of the relationship. Is most of the energy being used in the relationship to support and encourage one another in the pursuit of that which matters most or is the energy around drama, blaming, gossiping and difficulty? 

Learning to follow the energy that blesses and honors begins with blessing and honoring self and then extends outward to others and the world around us. As I continue to recover from my own co-sex addiction and behaviors related to this dis-ease, I learn more about this. I've sadly chosen to set certain boundaries in relationships with others and leave certain relationships when I noticed the giving was one sided on my part. I've also seen myself attracted to individuals and then spend a good deal of my time and energy trying to get their approval and acknowledgment. This was my own wounded patterns emerging and I realized some internal work needed to be done as well. 

Today I pay attention to what feels good inside when I meet people and in my current relationships. My heart is generous and open, offering blessing to many who wish to receive it. Yet, I am responsible for honoring this part of me and being sure that my heart and gifts are offered to those who are able to receive and appreciate the giving. 

I do a good deal of volunteer and service work. I find that I want relationships that I can go to where I can be nourished and supported as well to balance out the giving. Having mutually supportive and mature relationships allows for our own replenishment and fulfillment which allows us to go out in the world in service.

Following the energy the honors and blesses allows me to experience the abundant resources available to me on a spiritual, physical and emotional level. I am grateful that I have done the self-esteem work that enables me to receive and attract energy that blesses and honors. 

I wish you courage in doing the same.

In love, 

Sally