One of the promises of working a 12 step program is that having had a spiritual awakening as a result of working the 12 steps, we carried this message to others and practiced these principles in all areas of our lives. Of course, this is a process and we learn to make mistakes and love ourselves through the mistakes. This is perhaps our greatest learning in our spiritual awakening, the process of self-love and self-forgiveness when we hurt ourselves or those we love.

Integrating these principles in all areas of our lives is as well, quite challenging. It requires a sense of presence and awareness. It requires deep breathing and slow movement so that we can choose our behaviors, rather than react to our own thoughts or feelings. Being able to hold something inside of my own mind and heart, allow thoughtfulness and prayer to be in the mix of it all and then to choose with discernment what to do or say, or not do or say, is a great gift of our spiritual awakening.

A continued maturity that I notice in myself and others on this journey is the practice of self-responsibility. Whenever I strongly react, judge, criticize, blame or feel fear about someone else in my life, I know that there is an old distressful recording from childhood replaying. It is often easier to focus all my energy on someone in my life today, pull away, judge, gossip about or make wrong-rather than to really let these emotional reactions stir inside and take responsibility for their origins in my life. It often seems easier to judge a friend, than really own how they are mirroring an abusive behavior of my mother or another family member. It can seem there is less at stake when I put all my fear on someone in my life in present time, rather than look at my history. When I look at my family of origin, I can honestly see the ways I was used and left in unsafe situations by my family of origin and original caregivers. The strong emotional reaction today is about what happened back then.

In my experience, continued maturity along our path of spiritual awakening requires that we keep our focus on our own histories and primary, earlier relationships as the source of our deep fear and shame. To become mature in this spiritual journey, we must take responsibility for doing this work with them, rather than focusing it on others in our lives, who can often be our soul partners and spiritual companions on the journey. We push away the people along the way who love us with great purity and power because it brings up those wounds left unhealed from our history. This is a great loss and tragedy that occurs on this journey. We must be aware that old hurts will emerge and in our spiritual awakening, look within to heal, rather than hurt those loving us in our lives and in our recovery.

A Spiritual Awakening sounds really lovely, in so many ways, and it really is in many ways. But, spiritual awakening also comes with mature responsibility to look within and be willing to go to any lengths for our continued deepening and growth. Looking honestly at our childhood set-ups for addictive and harmful behaviors takes great courage. We can trust that we will be provided all we need along the way to do this and we learn self-forgiveness when we make those mistakes.

Remember on this journey of great challenge and great joy to breathe deeply, walk slowly and drink lots of water. Going within allows for authentic and deep connections without.

Blessings,

Sally