Boundaries are always a challenge for those of us learning to live in our power and in our love and service for others. Sometimes being detached feels like not caring. And sometimes caring for others feels like there is only room for them and I get lost in the shuffle.

When I am with my family of origin and the community of my childhood, having good boundaries and self care is especially challenging. These are the people that gave me life and gave to me the perspective and values through which I see the world. This is the system in which I learned my behaviors, some that I am grateful for and others I have chosen to unlearn.

There are many values that remain with me that I choose to honor in my life today that came from my growing up. There are some new values that I have developed and matured within that I choose to honor in my life today as well. These are a bit more challenging since the pull to do it the original way that was modeled and taught is still so strong. Sometimes I am not even aware that I am reverting to old behaviors until I start to see some old consequences, and then I must adjust and remember to choose another way.

Years ago when I entered recovery and began to do personal healing and empowerment work, I had a fantasy that people in recovery and personal growth circles would know everything there was to know about boundaries and about healthy behavior and communication. What I discovered is that we are all wounded and act out of our original hurts and poor behaviors with one another from time to time.

Even in 12 step recovery, there are many individuals who do not honor the values of the program and what it teaches. Often, individuals engage in gossip and triangulation. There are times 12 step goers engage in harsh judgments and criticisms of others. I've also seen blame and inappropriate anger being passed from one to another in the 12 step community.

Today I am aware that there is not a single person in my life that does all things healthy, perfectly or even how I might want them to do it. Each person that I love and have a relationship with is flawed in some way. I still have a fantasy that some day, I will find the perfect partner, or friend or relative or colleague who is able to do it as I would and without betrayal, disappointment or inappropriate anger and blame. They will have the perfect boundaries.

This is why my spiritual nourishment and nurturing is so essential in my life.

When I do not take time to care for my spirit and soul, I begin to feel the disappointment of my unrealistic expectations of others and my unrealistic expectations of myself.

When I forget to sit quietly and allow myself to connect with Divine Energy and Source, I begin to feel like I am Divine Energy and Source and start to feel the overwhelming weight of the world.

When I do not take time for my own prayer and meditation practice and being reminded of a Power greater than myself, I begin to engage in controlling behaviors that do not leave space for spiritual solutions or perspectives. My behaviors become automatic, not chosen out of my values and belief system.

In the first step of our 12 step spiritual program we own our powerlessness over others. In doing this step with humility, knowing who I am and who I am not, I open the door to the freedom of choosing self care and self nourishment. When my self care and spiritual health come first above all else, then I am able to choose to give to others from a place of fullness within. I can take care of myself, say no when I want and yes when I want as well. My perspective is realistic and balanced, as are my relationships with others.

Our Spiritual health is as essential as our physical health. In our spiritual connection with the divine, we quiet our minds and settle into listening to the silence. In the silence, there is great wisdom and intuitive nudgings that we learn to follow.

It is a selfish act and one that allows us to give us most generously to others.

Today I will take time to breathe deeply and allow myself to be filled with Divine Energy. From this place, all care and service to others from the place of fullness within will flow without.

Lovingly,

Sally