I believe in the power of love, connection and heritage. I have spent many years looking at my family of origin issues and taking what I've liked and leaving the rest in terms of behaviors that were modeled in this system. It was an important stage of my own emotional maturation in which I looked at the dynamics in my family and the role that I played in this large system. It has been disturbing in some ways to have to come to an authentic reality regarding the dynamics in my family. I have looked at members of my family set up as heros, scapegoats, abusers and come to see honestly the roles that I have played as a way for the system to survive.

In my own commitment to emotional and spiritual maturity, I then have to view what has been accepted in the system with some skepticism and willingness to see from other perspectives. In grieving what were simply ways to survive in my family and seeing more honestly the wounds and dysfunctional dynamics of the system, I was able to view from the perspective of authentic understanding and compassion.

Today, I love my family heritage and can see many shadows, wounds and dysfunctions clearly. This allows for me to also see the gifts of my relations and how I take this inheritance into the world and bless others. One of the gifts of my large Italian family, is the ability to create community and connection. Our home was always open to family and friends. We had pizzelle and biscotti ready to share. There were many conversations at my mother's kitchen table that I remember witnessing as a young child and participating in as a young woman.

Our family gathered every Sunday to share a meal and on birthdays, graduations, weddings and funerals. We danced and ate until we were tired and full. I have learned how to enjoy the company of many different people and to share the joy of events in a celebratory spirit. I always had a sense of belonging and connection and have created community wherever I have been.

While I have created connections with others from some ways I learned in my family that do not work, I have also learned that a generous and open heart is a gift that I have and share easily. This is something I learned from my family. I have also found myself as the central spoke of many connections over the years and brought several individuals together so that they were able to create their own connections.

I believe that I have not been fully able to appreciate the gifts of my heritage without fully acknowledging its imperfections. In honestly seeing the painful dynamics passed through my own generations of survivors, I have been able to accept and forgive. In my acceptance and forgiveness, I've been able to also see honestly the unique gifts of my culture and heritage and can bless others well these gifts.

Authentic reality, seeing our histories clearly and grieving the fantasies we have attached to it, allows for authentic gratitude for the gifts given in our heritage and unique family systems.

May we all find the courage to see the painful dynamics in our families with honesty and compassion. Only in this way, can we take the gifts from our families and bless ourselves and others.

Sally