"Pletcher and Bartolameolli are undisputed experts on the subject of co-sex addiction.  They know more about it than anyone I know and have presented  an expose that with great clarity supersedes anything I have read before."

– John Bradshaw

Saturday, September 28, 2013

What's At Risk?

What's At Risk? 

 One of the most courageous things we do on our life journey is to face our own addictions, wounds and family of origin issues. While I will never forget the physical pain of giving birth and the incredible sense of power getting to the other side of that process, walking daily with a Higher Power and taking responsibility for my life in all areas and in all ways draws even more deeply from my core. 

   In cosex addiction, like not other addiction, it is most challenging to keep the focus on ourselves. Since many women come into cosex addiction through a partner's sex addiction, this is understandable. However, eventually, if we are to truly commit to living an emotionally and spiritually mature life, we must come to seeing ourselves as responsible for where our life is right here and right now. We are not victims to what happens to us in our lives. Yes, we are victimized and trauma, incest, sexual assault, betrayal, abuse we have endured is real. We don't take responsibility for what has happened to us. We do, however, take responsibility for what will happen to us from this day forward. 

   In order to grow ourselves up, own our power, reconnect to our intuitive wisdom and learn the mastery of our own boundaries and voice, we must ask ourselves, "what's at risk for letting go of being a victim in our own lives?" There is a payoff in keeping ourselves small and voiceless once we are aware. When we are able to be honest about this, we begin to access our choices around it. Awareness leads to choice.

   When I asked myself recently "what was at risk for me to do something different in my marriage" I was faced with the part of me that doesn't want to grow up. Although I've done father loss and reprinting work for years, there is still a small, fatherless little girl inside who misses her dad. In fully embracing my voice and power in my marriage, I give up the fantasy, at another level, that my husband is going to fill the daddy void inside. These awarenesses are subtle and in seeing the subtleties, there is great power and choice. 

   In all our addictive behavior and most especially in the dynamic of cosex addiction and sex addiction, answering the "what's at risk?" question honestly gifts us abundantly. We have another opportunity for deeper connection to ourselves and others. We see choices more clearly and experience greater freedom. There is less likelihood that we blame our partners when we are hurt or triggered. We are empowered, adult, strong and intuitive women when we honestly own our payoffs for staying small and victimized. 

   Simple tools like, "what's at risk?" when used with honesty and willingness, intervene on old patterns with force. Addictive patterns are transformed to authentic connections. 

  For more details information on "what's at risk?" follow this link:

Blessings and love to you on your journey,

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