"Pletcher and Bartolameolli are undisputed experts on the subject of co-sex addiction.  They know more about it than anyone I know and have presented  an expose that with great clarity supersedes anything I have read before."

– John Bradshaw

Monday, April 23, 2012

Searching and Fearless

How grateful we, who have found the 12 steps, are to those of our ancestors who are our foundation. The 12 steps are tools for living our lives with intention, consciousness and power. The power that we use is that of our Divine Source, Higher Power, the God or Goddess of our understanding.

In step four, we do a "searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves." In doing so, we learn that no matter what another person may or may not be doing, the focus is on ourselves. This focus allows us to effect the change that we have control over, that we can direct and alter if desired. It is only ourselves that we can change, adjust or affect a difference within.

When we keep the focus on ourselves, this does not mean that we tolerate bad behavior. When we keep the focus on ourselves, this means that we focus on what we can change; whether this is removing ourselves from a situation or relationship, or speaking up and standing for ourselves in the relationship.

Doing a "searching and fearless moral inventory" is not just a tool for identifying our overt character defects or survival behaviors. This honest self-exploration offers us the opportunity to see how we continue to "set ourselves up" in familiar situations to be over-responsible or victimized by someone else. Changing these more passive and subtle ways of being alter our relationships with others and our own lives in active and powerful ways.

We never have to do this searching inside alone. Our spiritual journey reminds us again and again that we have support and community both in the physical world and in the spiritual dimensions. When overwhelmed or frightened by the task of self-inventory, we seek spiritual support and the support of others on the recovery journey.

Taking responsibility for our lives is a mature, empowered way to live. Each of the spiritual 12 steps in a tool is support and guide us in this journey.



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Monday, April 9, 2012

Addiction and Authenticity

Cosex addiction, or any addiction, provides a unique opportunity for spiritual development.

When we are faced with the inability to heal or change on our own, we are often forced to connect at a deeper level with a power greater than ourselves. In doing so, we open our spirits and emotional selves in a more authentic way; a way that surrenders our self-will and is open to the mystery of Divine unknown.

In admitting our need for assistance and our powerlessness over our own or another's addictive behaviors, beliefs and the emotions associated with them, our heart is cracked open. A relationship, based in deep and profound desire for authentic connection is forged. Our Higher Power becomes a personal vibration and entity that we want and need to connect with on a daily basis; not an abstract concept difficult to trust or love.

Pain is our initial motivator. Authentic connection and joy become our reason for continuing to surrender along the genuine path of spiritual and emotional maturity.

Fully embracing our pain and powerlessness over another's behavior or our own dis-eased thinking and acting, opens the possibility to fully surrendering to a Power Greater than ourselves. Our lives are transformed at this moment.

Blessings on your journey through trusting the pain and surrendering to Divine Source,


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