One of the things that makes changing our behavior so challenging is that we get used to things a certain way, even our misery. It's predictable. We can count on it. As adults who bring with them some dysfunctional behavior from addictive family systems, predictability and knowing what we can count on does, in and of itself, create stability. So, taking the risk of "doing it differently" with our behavior, the only behavior we can really change, takes courage. It also requires that we willingly step into the unknown and trust the process of our recovery and trust our Higher Power.

Our recovery and healing is, as we say, a spiritual program requiring spiritual discipline, so this is in keeping with our commitments for emotional maturity.

Here are a couple of reminders as we venture into the unknown of changing our behavior:

1. Keep in mind that we can only control ourselves, our choices and our behavior. Whatever we may or may not do, it may or may not evoke or inspire change in our partners or other relationships.

2. Support is an important cog in the recovery and healing commitment that we have. Check in with someone and get another mature person's detached perspective before making this change in behavior. Follow up with them and check in after the behavior has taken place. How did it go? What were your feelings? How did you take care of yourself? This is called bookending and it a great practice when taking difficult actions or practicing new behaviors.

3. Pray. Re-member that this is a spiritual program and a spiritual process. Taking the action and letting go of the result is a good practice. Ask your Higher Power/Spiritual Source to guide you and continue to pray for the highest good to come out of the action you have taken, both for yourself and anyone else involved.

4. Be willing to be uncomfortable. Change is uncomfortable. Leaving the familiar dynamics/reactivity we carry within ourselves and that we create with others is uncomfortable. Even when we are not getting the results we want from our behavior, trying new behavior is uncomfortable. And often, it is scary for the people in our lives as well, so be willing to be uncomfortable when and if others resist our new behaviors.

New habits take time. Recovery takes time. Re-creating our family tree takes time. Learning new behaviors take time as well.

Be kind. Be patient. Have compassion and understanding for yourself and remember to forgive when you revert to the old ways of doing it.

Love and blessings,

Sally