"Pletcher and Bartolameolli are undisputed experts on the subject of co-sex addiction.  They know more about it than anyone I know and have presented  an expose that with great clarity supersedes anything I have read before."

– John Bradshaw

Thursday, November 10, 2011


I love those moments when I am without a sense of self. It's not like being unaware or unconscious, but to be so fully in the moment and in my intention of being available for service that I don't wonder about how I am being perceived or if I am liked and approved of. There is such freedom to surrender to the moment without that self-consciousness. I want to do that more and more. Here are some things that I have learned from my own experiences and the generous sharing of others' experience about being fully in the moment:

1) A rich prayer and meditation practice is the most important tool for letting go of self-consciousness. As we deepen our connection with a Divine Source, we are less and less likely to find approval on the outside or through others. We move and breathe and find our purpose from within and in relationship with Spirit.

2) We must share ourselves and take safe risks with mature and available individuals and support groups. In this way, we release more and more of our past hurts and grief, living more fully and authentically in the present moment. Through our vulnerability, we heal and move more into living our Divine Purpose.

3) Choose to let go of the past and embrace a new way of living. Many of us who are recovering from cosex addiction, co-dependency and living for others, must choose if we are willing to let go of those familiar patterns and risk the unknown. Living in the moment, taking safe risks in our lives, and changing dynamics that no longer serve us requires courage and a willingness to step into unknown territory. It is a choice and we must choose consciously.

Blessings on your journey,


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Tuesday, November 1, 2011


It's still challenging for me to forgive myself. There is this belief within that I "should" know better after being in 12 step recovery for so long. When I get hurt by someone else's bad behavior, I should not have allowed it or somehow anticipated it or I must have attracted it to myself in some way. In other words, I still take responsibility for someone else's behavior.

In reaching out for support recently, someone in program reminded me to look at any resentments that I may have in a specific relationship and what is being affected in my life: my self esteem, relationships, financial issues, insecurities. Interestingly, I discovered my relationship with myself had been damaged. Two individuals in my life behaved badly with me and I believe that I "allowed" it to happen. Of course I did not really allow it, I simply was caught off guard and unable to act in my own best interest in the moment. I made a mistake. Focusing on what they did is not helpful to me. Connecting with the real sense of betrayal I feel from myself and then the difficulty in forgiving myself is the key for my healing and moving on.

Today I intellectually understand that I am not responsible for someone else's bad behavior. I have difficulty, however, when I do not protect myself from it perfectly. I can still get caught off guard, go into minor shock and regress into a little girl reaction.

My commitment to myself is to let myself off the hook when I make a mistake. I can learn from this and know that there will be progress for next time. I will make mistakes and when I hurt myself or others, I can use the tools of our 12 step program including making amends to myself, asking for my Higher Power to help heal this wound, turn it over and letting go.

Blessings to us all on our journey of recovery,


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