"Pletcher and Bartolameolli are undisputed experts on the subject of co-sex addiction.  They know more about it than anyone I know and have presented  an expose that with great clarity supersedes anything I have read before."

– John Bradshaw

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

The Gift of Tension and Struggle

Growth, transformation and change of any kind involves tension. The original origin of the word "tension" means to "stretch." Stretching ourselves in mind, body, spirit and emotional intelligence is the foundation of the recovery and personal growth work that we do. We are learning to stretch our perspectives, our familiar problem solving skills, our spirits and learn what gifts our emotions have for us, without acting out those feelings unconsciously.

In our cosex addiction and codependency, we often allow the tension we experience emotionally to drive us to behaviors that we later regret or do not serve our highest good. When fearful about our own or someone else's behavior, we act that fear out by snooping, trying to control or manipulate outcomes, eat, shop or otherwise try to medicate or stop the fearful tension we experience inside. 

If angry, we may not know how to hold that energy inside without raging, trying to force a solution or hurt ourselves or others. 

Even with joy and happiness, we may be inexperienced in allowing these emotions to be and feel some tension or discomfort with their newness. This may be a time we try to dissolve the discomfort or tension and not fully let ourselves integrate the experience. 

Using addictive behaviors, substances and/or thinking patterns to relieve the tension prematurely can lead to automatic reactions that do not serve our growth and personal transformation. 

When a sex addict relieves the tension with sexual acting out, the addictive pattern becomes anchored. When the tension is experienced and intervention occurs without addicting out the tension, one is able to reframe and re-pattern  thinking and behavior. The addictive cycle is interrupted and a new way for holding the tension is created.

As cosex addicts we can do the same. We can learn to tolerate our own emotions and the tension within by using the tools of recover. We can channel the energy in ways that intervene on our usual patterns of attempting to control, medicate our feelings or manipulate someone else's behavior.When we intervene on our own usual addictive patterns and hold the tension, we can avoid hurting ourselves or others. In holding the tension without acting it out, we develop the maturity to think through our options, reach out for support, choose behaviors that honor our values and act in alignment with our spiritual program. 

Surviving tension, without prematurely acting it out teaches us to thrive within our own spiritual and emotional maturity. The gifts of tension teach us about our own personal power, deepens our relationship with a Power greater than ourselves and transforms our obsolete ways of being. 

Enjoy this story of the butterfly's need for tension and struggle.

Monarch Butterfly

Blessings to you on your journey of transformation and growth.



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