"Pletcher and Bartolameolli are undisputed experts on the subject of co-sex addiction.  They know more about it than anyone I know and have presented  an expose that with great clarity supersedes anything I have read before."

– John Bradshaw

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Death and Recovery

This is the birthday of someone I love very much. She died 10 years ago. She was the matron of honor in my wedding, my daughter's godmother and at one time, my mentor and employer.  She loved me too. 

We also had conflict and power struggles. The closeness of our connection scared both of us and we had wounds from our relationships with our mothers that seemed to surface in our friendship. At times it was more painful than joyful. I'm grateful we both had awareness and a commitment to personal growth. We talked about our difficulties often and we were able to grow together.

She died rather suddenly. At the time of her death, we hadn't had much contact. I believe that she became addicted to pain killers and was unwilling to keep herself in recovery, doing the grief and trauma transformation work that keeps us healthful and dis-ease free. While I grieved her death, I knew that there was nothing I could have done to help her. At that stage of her dis-ease, she was choosing the addiction and not willing to ask for help. I recognized the symptoms of addiction and stopped allowing her to drive with my daughter in the car since her behavior had become sporadic and unpredictable, just like the dis-ease of addiction does. 

Today I honor her for who she was and who she wasn't. The gifts of her mentoring and mirroring of me has been invaluable. We both did the best that we could and accepted the consequences of those choices, even when they are inevitable...death. I certainly wish she had chosen to keep herself in 12 step recovery, doing the family of origin grief work that probably would have kept her alive, not having to medicate her pain. But she chose as she did.  And today, I can love and accept her as she was. Her spirit of generosity is with me and in many ways our relationships has deepened and continued.

The seasons of birth and death are part of life. I am grateful to have recovery and community that keeps me both grounded and spiritually connected. 

Blessings and love, 


Thursday, October 18, 2012

Intuition and 12 Step Recovery

     When we define intuition, it is thought to be an immediate knowing, spiritual insight, a gut instinct that comes naturally, organically. Intuition gives us information and a tool for living that guides us on our path and connects us to our inner wisdom. Often as a result of addictive dynamics and behaviors in our lives, we lose the ability to draw upon this innate wisdom. When we have dealt with and begun to recover from our own addictive behaviors: cosex addiction, eating disorders, over-volunteering, excessive co-dependency and other obsessive compulsive disorders, our energy is freed to reconnect and reclaim this deep knowing and wisdom. Our intuition becomes a part of our life again and we refer to it to assist and guide us in living emotionally and spiritual intelligent lives. 
   Here are 4 practices to reestablish our connection to our intuition and strength the vibration of this inner wisdom that we can do on a daily basis: 

1. Daily meditation. Start with 5 minutes a day of sitting quietly, breathing deeply and allowing yourself the experience of silence. Notice the thoughts that come in and release them with love. Pay attention to your physical body and honor its communication to you. Increase the time as you go and be gentle, compassionate and disciplined with your practice. 

2. Notice your thoughts during the day. A reminder that sugar doesn't make your feel good is your intuition guiding you. If someone comes to mind during the day, make a note of it and call or email to make contact. Acknowledging these reminders and thoughts throughout the day and then acting on them will build trust within yourself and  strengthen your skill in honoring your intuition. 

3. Read and study other women's work on intuition. Marion Woodman writes from a deep and profound personal and professional experience as a Jungian analyst and shares years of devotion to the study of intuition. Paula Reeves writes about very practical and mystical benefits to recognizing and honoring intuition. There are courses and many scholarly writings on this topic that will enhance and inspire your deepened understanding and development of it. 

4. Keep your 12 step spiritual program as a foundation in your life. When we are involved in addictive behavior or dynamics in our relationships, there is an addictive cycle in place. As described in "Relationships From Addiction to Authenticity*," once the "hit" from whatever behavior we engage in is experienced, there is temporary relief. The "high" cannot be sustained, however and the tension begins to build, along with the pain, fear, guilt and remorse. We "act out" again to relieve this tension, experience the temporary high, which wears off, begins to build into tension again leading once more to the "addictive acting out or acting in." To truly free our energy and allow a spiritual connection to fill this hole in our soul, we must intervene on this addictive cycle. Once abated, our energy is freed to use as we choose, most especially, to develop our intuition. 

Blessings on your journey, Sally



Labels: , , , , , , , ,