"Pletcher and Bartolameolli are undisputed experts on the subject of co-sex addiction.  They know more about it than anyone I know and have presented  an expose that with great clarity supersedes anything I have read before."

– John Bradshaw

Monday, February 28, 2011

Receiving Abundance

In the beginning of our cosex addiction recovery and healing of painful relationship dynamics, survival kicks in. We are struggling with denial, the shock of all the new awarenesses and overwhelmed with learning healthful, more empowering behaviors. Putting one foot in front of the other becomes all that we can do; one day at a time.

As our foundation begins to find a place in recovery, we begin to experience the fruits of our labor. We learn how to identify and ask for what we want and need. We learn how to care well for ourselves and set boundaries that keep us empowered and protected. With our own spiritual connection deepening, we also have tools for dealing with powerlessness and learn to take action when appropriate. Our physical and cognitive energies are no longer wrapped in survival, trying to force outcomes or control circumstances. Our energy increases and we begin to open up to receiving the abundance of choices, healthful connections and resources available to us.

Over time, we learn how to receive the abundant spiritual resources available to us. In our prayer and meditation practice, we consistently release what does not serve and ask for guidance and inspiration so that we will continue to grow along spiritual lines. We maintain a vibrant spiritual condition that allows for the transformation and clarity of any situation that does not serve our highest purpose. Answers for life's challenges and the right actions to take come easily to us. We attract support and partnerships that empower our work in the world and our relationships become a place of joy and authentic connection.

Here are some tips for receiving these abundant spiritual resources consistently:

1. Stay aware of the self-sabotaging behaviors that we use to cope with life. Awareness is the beginning of choice, so stay awake!

2. Be consistent with prayer and meditation to keep a fit and vibrant spiritual condition. Consistency is the key.

3. Maintain partnerships with people that are in recovery and on the path of emotional and spiritual maturity. Having circles where rigorous self-honesty is welcomed and witnessed with gratitude will allow for the power of the old self-sabotaging thoughts and beliefs to be diminished.

Remember there are stages in cosex addiction recovery. At first we have awareness of the addictive dynamics. Then, we learn to take actions to transform the addictive, survival patterns and learn self care. Then we develop consistency in our recovery and spiritual program in order to receive and live in the abundance available.

Blessings on your journey,


Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Recovery and Plants

We had a freeze in Texas and several plants on my back deck didn't survive. There are some that made it through and others, well, I'm just not sure yet. Time will tell. It was hard to trim some of the dead leaves back and not know it they would survive. One of the beautiful plants had vine like branches and lovely pink flowers on it. It's shriveled and brown now, but I do see a tiny sprig of green near the dirt and hopefully, there is more life that will sprout forth.

During this week of weeding out and cutting back, I was reminded of my own spiritual and emotional growth life. There are times to nourish and enjoy the beauty of my own growth and maturation. There are other times when I must pull some weeds and cut back on the old that needs trimming. The parallel really struck me. Cosex addiction recovery and plant growth are closely linked in the seasons of development.

The first stage of plant growth is the planting of seeds. When we first learn of our own family system and begin to self-reflect on additive and harmful behaviors that we have used to survive, we begin to plants seeds of recovery; a new way to live and learn. These seeds include knowing there are other dynamics in relationships that are more healthful and we begin to utilize them. Developing boundaries, names for our feelings, learning tools for expression and communication, finding support groups that understand are all a part of the seed planting stage. It is a new beginning.

Next, germination takes places and roots begin to develop. For us, these are practices that we put in place consistently that allow for deep roots, regular nourishment and a deeper sense of connection to ourselves, a Higher Power and others.

In the vegetation period, more deepening happens. There is stored up food and the plants begin to mature. For us in recovery, our emotional and spiritual connection continues to be nourished and is no longer new for us; it becomes our way of living life.

There is reproduction with plants next. The sharing of seeds and spreading of life happens during this stage. In our own lives, we share what we have learned in our recovery and begin to bring the light of prayer and meditation and nourishment of community to others.

Dormancy is a time for death to occur and new life to begin. In our relationships, we find that some connections no longer nourish us and others take their place. We also honor our quiet season as well, and allow for the inner workings our of spiritual life to dominate for a time. We learn here to allow our cosex addiction recovery program to really work us. We learn to surrender to the process, trust that all will be well in Divine timing.

Trusting the seasons of our own emotional and spiritual growth helps us to trust the natural rhythms and seasons of life. We honor the cycles of growth in nature and learn to nourish these cycles in ourselves.

Blessings on your journey,


Thursday, February 3, 2011

Change-bartering for new behaviors....


Change is not something that comes easily in cosex addiction recovery. We are often carrying ancient patterns of learned behavior from those who have gone before us. It takes time to change these patterns. There are also societal patterns which project messages on to our young people and collective minds which continually put these old beliefs back in the forefront of our minds. With these thoughts, our behaviors remain the same as well, or at least we spring back and forth in doing it the old way, trying the new way, the old way, the new way. It is the way and challenge of change.

Interestingly, the Latin origin of the word change comes from “barter” or to “exchange.” This almost suggests that we cannot change an old behavior if we do not have something to replace or put in its place. This is where the tools of our 12 step program come it.

Support groups including 12 step recovery groups are a necessary exchange for old behaviors that we are ready to let go of. When we begin to see our powerlessness over certain behaviors in ourselves and others, we are able to expand our perspective and find ways to “exchange” these behaviors for new ones. We practice detaching or setting boundaries or focusing on ourselves. Sometimes we replace those old behaviors with pray and meditation, or going to a meeting and seeking support from others in recovery. We may even transfer the focus on ourselves and our own family of origin work which takes the focus off of our partner or children or friend and assists us in seeing our part in the addictive dynamic.

Change takes time but as we replace that old behaviors for new ways of being, we can transform our relationships with our Higher Power, ourselves and others.

Remember, you are not alone.

With love, Sally