"Pletcher and Bartolameolli are undisputed experts on the subject of co-sex addiction.  They know more about it than anyone I know and have presented  an expose that with great clarity supersedes anything I have read before."

– John Bradshaw

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Carrying the Message to Others....

All religions and spiritual practices, including the 12-step program invite us to share what we have learned with others. We are encouraged to give to those less fortunate and to share our treasure with others. This is important. It keeps the cycle of life vibrant and reminds us of our connection to one another. For me, it can also be a little tricky because I have a tendency to think of others first. While I would like to claim this as generosity of spirit and heart, it is really a default position that I must develop consciousness and awareness around. It is not coming from an empowered position, it is an automatic survival behavior for me and often a way to avoid looking at myself.

I also suspect, that especially for women, this is difficult to detect and own as an automatic, and sometimes manipulative behavior. We have learned in our culture that giving to others and putting them first has earned us a certain status and approval. Women gets lots of kudos for care-giving, volunteering and charitable contributions. To intervene on this behavior and take responsibility for the part of us that gave to others to try and fill our own emptiness, takes great courage and a willingness to mature in ways that feel uncomfortable and quite lonely at times. We must be courageous enough to look beyond the surface expression of our own behaviors and see the deeper meaning of our actions.

I believe that carrying the message to others is most potent when I am willing to live an authentic life, not just talk about it. More than anything, this means being willing to see below the surface of my own judgments, blaming and motivations. Rigorous self honesty is our greatest expression of charitable behavior and the most powerful action for carrying the message to others.

Lovingly, Sally

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Finding Our Voice

One of the great gifts of recovery and transformational work, as well as one of the great challenges to this internal work, is finding our voice. It is a gift for us because it is through our voice we learn to speak what we want, don't want, what are values are and how to care for ourselves in our relationships with others.

Finding our voice is a challenge as well because as we learn to speak what we want, don't want, what are values are and how to care for ourselves in our relationships with others, there will be change. Finding and speaking our voice will have an impact on our lives and interactions with others.

When we finally connect with our deepest desires and learn about our needs and passions, we have no more excuses for keeping ourselves "victim" in our own lives. As someone with a voice, we have responsibility for expressing ourselves, setting boundaries and taking a stand for what matters to us. As we mature in our own empowered state and attract relationships and communities that support our increased self-esteem and clarity, change will happen. It will manifest in how we care for our spiritual bodies and our physical bodies. Friendships will naturally deepen with those on a similar path and other friendships might end or shift to accommodate a more one-sided maturity and growth. We also learn more about ourselves and our reasons for keeping ourselves small and quiet. With this information we are able to take aware risks of leaping into the unknown by changing our familiar ways of behaving.

As is the case in many significant changes we experience, there exists both a blessing and a curse. Being able to see both perspectives creates increasing maturity both emotionally and spiritually. Exploring the gift as well as the challenge allows us to handle both with balance, consciousness, clarity and wisdom.

Blessings to you on your journey of finding your voice.