"Pletcher and Bartolameolli are undisputed experts on the subject of co-sex addiction.  They know more about it than anyone I know and have presented  an expose that with great clarity supersedes anything I have read before."

– John Bradshaw

Monday, August 25, 2008

Blame and Blessing~

I've been curious about blame this past week. Who we blame, why we blame, how we blame, when and where we blame. I've had thoughts that "if only" this person or that person would do "this thing" or "that thing," then my life would be better, less stressful and I would be more at peace and authentically joyful and happy.

There have been a couple of challenges in relationships with others that have brought this to the surface. Most especially because I am certain that they are at fault and if they had only behaved differently, I would not be feeling the discomfort I am feeling. It is ironic, really, because my chief complaint is that they blame me for something and I have the sense of being scapegoated. It is quite a paradox and clearly a reflection of this internal drive that we all experience from time to time to blame another for whatever difficulty or discomfort we experience inside.

The word "blame" has its origins in old Latin from the word blaspheme. When this is translated, its fundamental meaning is to attack that which is sacred. It refers to dealing in the realm of evil and irreverence.

I am so grateful for this understanding at the moment. Really. The original meaning of the word "blame" is to actually act irreverantly and to attack that which is sacred. In a real sense, any time that I blame or point the finger at someone else for my unhappiness or discomfort, I become unholy, for authentic intimacy and connection means seeing the sacredness and holiness in all. My desire today is to find the blessing in my blaming. I choose to see the other person as a mirror of myself, a mirror of my own grief not felt, or my love of self not fully embraced. When I have the urge to blame or harshly judge another, I choose instead to see their holiness and to open myself to what they are reflecting back to me about myself. When I do allow this transformation of blame to blessing, my connection to Self and to the Divine is realized. Authentic connection to others always begins with authentic connection to self.

Today, I turn the blame into a blessing and allow myself the gift of holiness in all things.




Friday, August 15, 2008

Divine Purpose and Service

Greetings and blessings to all,

I have been thinking about Divine Purpose and Destiny and how co-sex addiction and recovery healing relates to this. There is a significant connection, I believe, and I want to share my perspective here.

The journey of 12-step recovery requires that we descend into our pain, our addictions, our herstory and history and make amends to ourselves and others. In 12-step recovery, an important tenet is making a list of those we have harmed and being willing to make amends to them. We also learn to include ourselves on this list and our greatest amends to ourselves is often living addiction-free and sober lives; from all our addictive behaviors and beliefs.

When we authentically go within and take responsibility for our own addictive behaviors, our unhealthy dependencies, our chronic judgment, criticism and blaming of others and begin to allow light on our own defects of character, woundedness and shame-filled shadows, we welcome TRANSFORMATION.

In the surrender and opening of ourselves to the places we most deeply wish to hide and keep secret, there is miraculous healing and spiritual cleansing that happens. The extent to which we are authentically vulnerable in our surrendering and openness to Spiritual healing in these darkest of places is the extent to which we are given profound and transformational restoration. Our deepest wounds become our greatest gifts.

This is how, in my humble opinion, we connect with our Divine Purpose and Destiny. As we consciously surrender of our pain and addictive behaviors, we enter into an opportunity to be of service to others. In the honoring of these wounds and the release and openness to Goddess/God/Divine Creator/Spirit, our unique gifts of healing emerge. These gifts become a service and contribution to others.

Breathe this in. Hold these places of addiction and hurt as sacred. Allow Divine Spirit to transform these painful places within to gifts of wisdom and understanding for yourself and others.

Blessings to you on your journey as a Gifted and Wounded Healer,