"Pletcher and Bartolameolli are undisputed experts on the subject of co-sex addiction.  They know more about it than anyone I know and have presented  an expose that with great clarity supersedes anything I have read before."

– John Bradshaw

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Stillness and action

   One of the greatest gifts that I received early in my recovery and family of origin work was the wisdom of a mentor who invited me to learn about stillness. I typically wanted to know what to do next in any given situation and she was encouraging me to practice being. It was very uncomfortable. I was conditioned to acknowledge the problem and then take action to solve it. We were "doers" in my family. We were "hard workers who knew how to get the job done."

   I remember one day I had a decision to make, or so I thought, and I sought her out for advice. I wanted to know what action to take and at the same time, be certain that it is was the "right" way to go. She held her ground with me and was both firm and loving. 

   "In eastern cultures," she offered, "waiting is an action." 

   I'd never considered that waiting was an action and that many times, it was the "right" action to take. 

   After years, this is anchored in my body, mind and spirit. I know that when there is a choice of actions to take, whether in my professional or personal life, the best thing that I can do for all involved is wait, be still and trust the clarity will come. Often in the action of waiting, circumstances unfold in such a way that the choice of any other action is made for me. In other situations, waiting gives me a deeper sense of lucidity and the next right step naturally emerges; resonating powerfully within me. 

Reaching out to others, prayer and meditation, breathing deeplytrusting a Higher Power and letting go are just a few of the tools for living more authentically that I learn in my spiritual program. 

Today-if clarity is not ever-present, I choose to wait as my action. I trust all will unfold as is should according to what is in my highest good. As long as I do my part to care well for myself and do my best to live within my own value system, I know my Higher Power will do the rest. Stillness becomes my comforting companion. 

Friday, May 11, 2012

Discernment~Risking new behaviors...

When we enter 12 step recovery, for any additive dynamic or family of origin issue, we often come with personal behaviors of extreme: extreme isolation, extreme control, extreme bossiness, extreme passivity, simply depending on the survival tools we picked up to get through the trauma. Learning that we have options and choices for our behaviors and interactions with ourselves and others does take time. During that period of time where we learn to recognize our dysfunctional behaviors and coping mechanisms and risking new ways of seeing a situation and responding to it, there can be some confusion and discomfort. 

Do I confront the behavior? Do I notice the behavior and detach? Is it appropriate to share my feelings in this situation? Do I try to work out the difficulty with this person or cut my loses and end the relationship? 

In some ways, our old rigid coping mechanisms were easier. We did the same thing over and over again and things turned out predictably. Being a victim is expected and being disappointed becomes a way of life. Fortunately, our Spirits strive for more, most especially when we get into recovery, and we are no longer willing to accept the unacceptable in ourselves and others.

    Our dreams call us from within to break through the fear and shame and       whether we fail is less important than if we don't attempt to honor our heart's calling. Courage is now our companion. Discernment becomes necessary.

Prayer and meditation become a way of life for us. We have accepted our powerlessness over addiction, our history and the trauma we carry and choose to embrace a Power greater than ourselves. Now we use others in the community of 12 step spirituality to assist us in new ways of being and before we act in any given situation, we allow for the intuition guidance of our Higher Power to come to us. This discernment is developed through daily nourishment. Regular prayer and meditation, breathing deeply, and letting the answers come to us rather than forcing outcomes is our new way of living. 

Over time, we risk new behaviors, new relationships, new communications, standing for ourselves and honoring what we deeply desire in our hearts and minds. We begin to follow our passions and give to others from fullness within. The more we connect with a Higher Power of our own understanding, consistently waiting to act until discernment and intuitive inspiration is clear, the more abundant and fulfilling our lives will be. Letting go can be the most powerful action of all and devoting ourselves to a daily prayer and meditation practice teaches us how. 

Blessings on your journey, Sally