"Pletcher and Bartolameolli are undisputed experts on the subject of co-sex addiction.  They know more about it than anyone I know and have presented  an expose that with great clarity supersedes anything I have read before."

– John Bradshaw

Sunday, September 23, 2012


One of the things that I didn't understand when I first got into recovery was that my pain would ultimately lead me to more joy. When I authentically embrace my pain and hurts and release them in safe, supportive environments, I create the space to receive more joy, fulfillment and connection. When I avoid or shut down my emotional self to avoid pain I also shut down my emotional self and lose the ability to embrace joy, inspiration and the miracles of being fully present and alive.

In "Relationships From Addiction to Authenticity" many brave women tell their stories of betrayal, shock and addiction and how these experiences were transformed into authentic connection to self, Spirit and others. This transformation comes through our emotional honesty and acknowledgement of our hurt and pain. It is not a journey for the weak of heart but one for the strong of spirit; committed to creating a life full of possibility and dreams fulfilled. Courage is required to bear our souls, open our hearts and allow the vulnerability of our pain to be held in the loving care of others. This is our path to trust as well. We learn to trust ourselves, a Higher Power and we choose trustworthy people. 

In Chapter 5 Trusting and Embracing Feelings in the book,  "Relationships From Addiction to Authenticity", there are stories shared and discussions about how to feel our emotions and stop mood-altering behaviors to avoid feeling.Once we develop this emotional intelligence and make new choices, our senses are opened and our intuition increased. We are able to let our feelings inform us and our intuition guide us but not run us. We have choice and conscious awareness.

Joy is the outcome of honesty, full self-expression and the release of denial. One must experience both pain and joy in order to live a full and deeply rich life. 

Many blessings on your journey, 


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Sunday, September 2, 2012


Discernment is a skill and seemingly straightforward. It's easy to "discern" whether something is good for me or not, what I should buy or not buy, or whether I should take some action or trust the internal guidance I think I am receiving. Or is it? 

As defined by the dictionary, discernment means "the ability to judge well." It seems simple enough, but in fact our subjective perceptions are often skewed by personal desires, experiences, egos and self-will. Discernment, in its most mature sense, requires that we open ourselves to certain steps and developmental learning.  It actually requires that we open to the guidance of a Higher Power, seek the perceptions and viewpoints of others and admit to ourselves that our own perceptions and viewpoints may be based solely on personal feelings, tastes and opinions; not actually on what is the most astute action to take. 

Earnestly seeking outside assistance when we want discernment in an area of our lives is not only wise and mature, but necessary.

Twelve step spirituality has inherent within it all that is necessary for sophisticated, objective and mature discernment. There is a spiritual relationship with a Power greater than ourselves weaved within the 12 steps of any recovery program which brings us back again and again to seeking a broader viewpoint in any situation.

We also have directives for seeking the opinions and perspectives of a sponsor and other individuals who are also committed to the values of a spiritual program. This adds an additional safety valve for fully developed discernment.

Last but not least is the instruction and guidance for the individual to reflect upon their "own part" in any given situation. What past experiences do we bring to the situation which affects the perceived outcome? Is there an attachment to a desired outcome that may be influencing our choices? For an individual to be accountable for how they may be impacting a preferred result is the final security gate. When we pass through this concluding test of certainty in the honest exploration of seeking wisdom, we know authentic discernment is nearly assured.

Discernment may not be for those accustomed to instant gratification as these layers of safeguards must be gone through to achieve the full value of it and this takes time. Twelve step spirituality offers us once again the guideposts for discerning the appropriate and wise actions to take as we recovery from cosex addiction, codependency and our own individual addictive dynamics in life. The 12 steps are practices and habits of life. It may take time to develop the skills of discernment, but with these three steps in place, it's possible and probable that honest and authentic guidance will come to us. Then, the choice to follow this discernment or not will be ours. 

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