"Pletcher and Bartolameolli are undisputed experts on the subject of co-sex addiction.  They know more about it than anyone I know and have presented  an expose that with great clarity supersedes anything I have read before."

– John Bradshaw

Monday, September 27, 2010


The word "resentment" comes from the word "resent" and loosely translates to meaning feeling deeply, intensive force.The "resent" itself implies resending or to send over and over again. That certainly gives meaning to the word, "resentment" as well.

All in all, we wish to avoid resentments in our lives. To have intensive force of emotion and to feel it again and again implies a distraction or tied up energies. It is not something we wish to create or to have in our lives. Given this information, how do we prevent resentments and keep our energies freed to use in more constructive and intentional ways?

Here are some steps to keeping our emotional systems free of resentments and also handling them when they seem to creep up on us:

1. Pay attention to your emotional selves. Knowing how we are feeling and honoring these feelings allows us the wisdom of our emotions. Some call this Emotional Intelligence; knowing what we are feeling and holding those emotions in order to chooseour actions rather than reacting.

2. Become aware of how we "act out" uncomfortable emotions and learn new ways to express and hold these feelings. Identifying that we are angry is a beginning and important step. Knowing that we feel afraid and finding words to express that feeling is essential. Once we identify how we are feeling and give a name to it, we are much closer to have choice about how to express it in a way that serves us and others in our lives.

3. Once we start to pay attention to how we are feeling, learn to identify and own these emotions, we can learn how to express them in productive and self caring ways. Take a class on learning to communication. Ask a professional for dialogues to use in relationships that keep the focus on self without blaming and attacking. I teach a course on Clean Communication that not only assists us in identifying what is going on inside, how we can communication to someone responsibly, but also gives language and validation for asking directly for what we really want for ourselves. Clear communication is a great tool for Emotional Sobriety and teaches us to connect maturely with ourselves and others in our lives.

4. Lastly, keep practicing clean and responsible expression of our wants and needs to keep from developing resentments that keep us disconnected from ourselves and others. We will not learn overnight how to prevent our resentments and take responsibility for our wants, feelings and needs. But, we can learn how to do this over time.

As we learn to care well for ourselves, our resentments will be minimized. We find the courage to say "no" when we mean "no" and "yes" when we mean "yes." With a high level of self-care, we learn to honor ourselves and give to others from a place of fullness within. Resentments become a thing of the past and are replaced with honest, open communication and connection.

Blessings on your journey,