"Pletcher and Bartolameolli are undisputed experts on the subject of co-sex addiction.  They know more about it than anyone I know and have presented  an expose that with great clarity supersedes anything I have read before."

– John Bradshaw

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Tiger Woods, a Power Greater.....

Tiger Woods has been in the media for several months. This week I watched him speak to a roomful of friends, family and probably foes. He admitted his sexual acting out was wrong and took full responsibility for his behavior. He said that he felt as though he "could get away with anything that he wanted to" and even his mother stated, "he never said that he was God."

Personally, I am inspired by his courage and willingness to admit that he needs help. It is a good day when humility wins over arrogance and we are able to see our fallibility as human beings. We all have a need for a spiritual connection of a Power Greater than ourselves to rely upon and keep us grounded. As Tiger stated, he has much more to learn and his amends will come over time in his behavior, not his words.

This is true for all of us. Whatever our station in life, we all have wounds, shadows, behaviors that we are not proud to have. We must keep ourselves grounded in our need and want for a "Power Greater than ourselves."

In 12 step spirituality, this is our second step. It states that we "came to believe in a Power greater than ourselves that could restore us to sanity." The word "sanity" actually comes from the Latin sanitas meaning health. Being restored to health in all ways: spiritually, physically, emotionally, intellectually, ethically and socially is good. It is an even better thing to remember that this occurs within a relationship with our Higher Power. This Higher Power can be anything or anyone as the key is "greater than ourselves."

Humility allows us to continually realize that we need this power greater than ourselves. Whatever our accomplishments and achievements professional, socially, financially or personally, there is a grounding in remembering we are still in need of this Power, with a capital "P". There are boundaries all of us must respect and there are consequences for each of us, no matter what brilliance, talent or stature we may possess.

Tiger has admitted his imperfections, his arrogance and his need for assistance. This is both wise and courageous.

The second step which reminds us that we have come to believe in a Power greater than ourselves is a reminder for us all.

Blessings and love,


Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Completion and Endings....

My Nigerian friends are teaching me so much about saying "good-bye." We are leaving our home after four years here in West Africa. We are telling our staff, gardeners, security people, vendors, my friends at the marketplace, drivers and stewardess throughout the camp. When we tell them we are leaving, they hang their heads and their eyes fill with tears. They will then tell us their first memory of meeting us and why we are so special to them. They tell us how much they will miss us and freely express their sadness. It is quite moving. There is no denial, defensiveness, smiling over the reality of it, or pretending that we will see each other again. They are genuinely aware of the implication, the loss and their sadness for our ending time together.

Loss and completion are hard for most. We have learned to "shut down" our feelings, often to survive alcoholic or otherwise dysfunctional family and societal systems. To survive trauma, however minimal or extensive, we must protect our emotional selves and not feel the events in our lives that are painful.

Recovery is about recovering our emotional and spiritual selves. In recovery, we learn how to authentically feel our feelings, be emotional present to the events in our lives and embrace endings and completions. It is only in fully embracing our endings that we are able to fully embrace new beginnings. Endings are inevitable. Relationships come and go, children graduate, jobs change and people we love pass on from this life. Learning to be fully present for all the losses, endings and completions keeps us fully present in all of our lives.

Here are some guidelines for holding completions and endings with honor:

1) Breathe deeply and choose to be conscious and intentional about how you will hold and embrace the endings and completions in your life.

2) Be willing to share the love and appreciation you have had for someone. Express your feelings directly to them or with others you trust if this is the only way. Being witnessed and heard makes all the difference for our being able to stay present throughout the transition, whatever it is.

3) Let yourself feel the sadness and experience the loss. In releasing this, your energy is freed and your senses alive. This cleansing allows for the experiences of joy, celebration and gratitude as well.

4) Create a ceremony or circle in which you express directly what someone has meant to you. This allows for the completion to be experienced with conscious intent.

In our fully experiencing the completions and endings in our lives, we make room for beginnings and new connections.

With love,


Saturday, February 6, 2010

Welcoming, Releasing and Ongoing Discipline.....

Many years ago, a mentor answered a very important question that kept coming to me. She was guiding me in doing some very powerful, yet painful family of-origin work and I was looking at some losses that led to my addictive behaviors; both with food, my co-dependency and co-sex addiction. I asked her one day, "Remind me why I am doing this work again?"

"There is a beginning, middle and end to the work, " she said. "And at the end, you will have more of yourself, your senses and your ability to choose relationships that serve and honor you."

In essence, I've learned that to fully experience the joy and blessings of life, I must be willing to experience the loss and pain of life as well. When I shut myself off from the painful emotions I carry inside, I shut down joyful experiences as well. When I fully honor my senses, all of them, life is fuller and I am more present to experience it all.

The first step in healing, empowerment and manifesting our soul's purpose and heart's desire is the intention to do so. We must desire and want to heal. There is an incentive for doing the work and we take the initial step of acknowledging our need for assistance and willingness to receive it.

The second step in this process seems to be the willingness to walk through our pain, loss, grief and ways in which we are wounded. There is something very engaging and compelling about seeing clearly and holding with honor, ways that we were hurt. In doing so we can see the dis-empowering beliefs related to the painful dynamics we carry. As we visit the hurt and dis-empowering beliefs, we begin to untangle these twisted dynamics and see that there is another way, a way that serves the highest outcome for the highest good. The reframing of these wounded dynamics can begin and we develop our own set of values, beliefs and behaviors that serve our highest good and what it is we are most committed to in our lives.

The third step involves the ongoing discipline of sustaining and supportive circles and partnerships. This may include professional counseling, coaches or mentors as well as 12 step support groups or other gatherings for emotional and spiritual maturity. We attend weekend workshops and keep ourselves challenged in our continued growth and maturity. Prayer and meditation practice/s are essential here as they keep us connected to the spiritual solution that underlies all healing, growth and transformation.

Welcoming the intention for healing, courageously embracing and releasing our wounds, and the ongoing discipline of our own empowerment and recovery work create emotional and spiritual intelligence. While there is a beginning, middle and end to this process, the ongoing discipline of support and empowerment partnerships in our lives creates the foundation for manifesting our dreams and living our life purpose.

Blessings of your journey,