"Pletcher and Bartolameolli are undisputed experts on the subject of co-sex addiction.  They know more about it than anyone I know and have presented  an expose that with great clarity supersedes anything I have read before."

– John Bradshaw

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Detaching with Love and Compassion

The word detach comes from a French origin meaning to attach apart. To de-tach implies that once one was attached and it is now time to come apart, so to speak. Detaching with anger, resentment and an I'll show youhas been the first way I learned to detach.This was easier. This silent treatment, which I mistakenly called detaching, was a means of manipulation and punishment. There was not love or compassion involved, just survival. It was the best I was able to do in practicing this new behavior. Now, I am learning advanced techniques for detaching, including doing so with love and compassion.

Here are some things that I am learning:

1) Regardless of someone else's behavior, I am responsible for my own. If they are criticizing or blaming me, how I react, respond or detach to this remains my responsibility.
2) As unfair as someone else's accusations of me may be, there is a way for me to detach that allow for the authentic connection rather than to react and get tangled in their emotional outburst.
3) Detaching with resentment and as an attempt to manipulate or punish another is NOT the same as detaching with love and compassion. This way of detaching keeps us emotionally tied in the abusive or unhealthy behavior of another person.
4) Detaching with love and compassion takes practice and allowing for patience and self-forgiveness on the learning path is essential.

At this moment, I am grateful for my awareness which distinguishes detaching with resentment to punish and detaching with love for the purpose of authentic connection and compassion. I am also grateful to have this compassion for myself as I learn and grow in my ability to love myself and others authentically.

In service of the Divine,